It would’ve been a great way to go out, but CrossFit HQ saw fit to shut my scam down. Not necessarily like Russell Berger’s slimy expose on Gym Jones, but certainly an experience I would’ve converted into some Beastmodal Domains chuckles.
A while back I was comp’d a spot at a CrossFit Level 1 Trainer Course:
Shortly after I published this, CrossFit HQ (they’ve known my real name for months) fuckstomped the whole thing. Dave Castro sent an email to the hosting gym and informed them my “scholarship” (they seriously call it that) would be given to someone “less abusive to CrossFit.” I can’t go into details, but the bottom line is: I didn’t spend last weekend fucking the stuffing out of a med-ball.
My interaction with HQ on the matter was polite on both ends and I completely understand their decision. I was informed I could still attend any Level 1 Course, so long as I paid for it.
No thanks. With no intentions of actually becoming a CrossFit coach, I’m not going to waste $1,000 to be taught how to count almonds and encourage clients to lift with shitty form.
On this site, I’ve needled HQ a bit from time to time. But I guess the Advice For New Affiliate Owners post really pissed them off. Knowing how easy Glassassinations get handed out, and fearing deaffiliation just because I mentioned ZORG, the owners of my former gym and I agreed it best that I no longer be a member there.
Regarding ZorgFit- HQ didn’t shut us down as some have suspected. It’s just that Robb Wolf, Catalyst Athletics and myself all decided that mocking CrossFit HQ is not the most positive platform to raise money for charity. It’s fun to joke around and we would’ve sold some shirts, but there are better ways to focus our efforts to support the Wounded Warrior Project. The below shirt is available nowhere.
Which brings me to the overall focus of this post. Why does HQ give a fuck about those who criticize them? Their shit isn’t perfect. Mature adults know how to take criticism, pussies cry about it. Have you ever wondered why sites like Forging Elite Sarcasm, The Naked CrossFitter and Beastmodal Domains did not exist before 2010? We were less necessary back then. There was crazy shit and lulz in CrossFit, but not nearly as much as there has been in recent years:
Back in the early years of CrossFit, you had CrossFitters vs. the haters (IGX Couch Thread). It was very polarized and there wasn’t much in between. It wasn’t that embarrassing to be a CrossFitter back then, with the exception of situations like this:
Sites like this have popped up to mock shit from the inside, as a response to the increasing stupidity we’ve had to deal with as members of the “community.” But at the end of the day, we’re CrossFitters. Despite our aliases, HQ knows who we are and CrossFit is too small to stay hidden for long. Humor is a great weapon and bullies don’t like to be made fun of. So if you’re prone to free thought, enjoy teh lulz and don’t want to play by all their rules, you won’t get out unscathed.
As I alluded to earlier in this post, a successful effort by HQ to find out my true name and details about my life occurred months ago. I’ll avoid details to protect the identity of those involved–intimidation was a factor. I didn’t care much at the time. But last Thursday, 3 senior individuals at my place of employment received mailed envelopes containing content from this site. The sender was anonymous. The intent was to get me fired and the tactics were chickenshit. Let me be clear: I can’t prove HQ was responsible for sending the envelopes. It doesn’t matter. Either way, I got checkmated by some softcunt who got offended by jokes on the internet. I have a great job (that is not in the fitness industry) and I’d like to continue to support my family. As a result, Beastmodal Domains is dead.
In summary, not only did I not get to do the free L1 Cert and write some lulz about it, I had to leave my gym, got in some heat at my job and had to kill my website. At least it wasn’t a boring month here at BMD. I agree this is a lame way to go out and I would’ve preferred my last post to have more lulz and be less limpdicky. On the contrary, I bet a certain group probably finds this BMD post to be the funniest one of all time: CrossFit HQ. Fuck it. I always wanted to end Beastmodal Domains with this clip (NSFW – language):
beastmodal domains 
#1 by Gerald Stokley on July 11, 2012 - 7:03 AM
B, you are still, by far, my #1 hero.
#2 by Chilly on July 11, 2012 - 7:10 AM
Fuuuuck man.
Those envelopes were meant to help you get a promotion.
Seriously, there goes another great, entertaining crossfit blog.
You will be missed.
#3 by Russell Taylor on July 11, 2012 - 7:12 AM
Awwww man. This sucks! Your blog was always one of my favorites! Sad to see it go. Good luck, man!
#4 by joeyo757 on July 11, 2012 - 7:15 AM
This makes me want to cock punch a mastodon and save money on my car insurance.
#5 by Lindsey on July 11, 2012 - 7:17 AM
Fuck.
#6 by Marea on July 11, 2012 - 7:18 AM
You are shitting me? Anon envelopes to your place of work?! Sad, people. Really sad.
#7 by Brendon on July 11, 2012 - 7:21 AM
Wtf, how the hell am I going to get some STFU shirts now? The best read on the internet, will be missed for sure bro!
#8 by Brendon on July 12, 2012 - 3:31 AM
shirt ordered, didnt have time to fuck around with sizing…i hope a medium isnt a slim fit suitable for someone that does pelvic thrusts in front of a mirror?
#9 by Logan on July 11, 2012 - 7:22 AM
That blows bro. Sorry for the shit that they pulled on your job and your gym. I’m so pissed at this I’m leaving my crossfit gym. Dumb bitches. I’ll find another way to stay fit.
#10 by David Pizey on July 11, 2012 - 7:23 AM
gunna miss u bro!!! sounds like scientology style tactics…crossfit more like cultfit
#11 by Jimmy Somesuch on July 11, 2012 - 7:24 AM
PLEASE tell me I can still order shirts!!!!!! Jesus H! this site is a mainstay for me and almost makes up for the dogshit that I have to read on other sites(I will not name names).I guess its time to buy some bumpers and bells and move into the garage.AGHHHhh! CAn I call dibs on the 2nd Zorgfit affiliate.It will be for lack of a better word EPIC!!!! Beastmodal is dead…long live Beastmodal!!!!!
#12 by bxente on July 11, 2012 - 7:27 AM
I hope this is a joke, this can’t be happening. we need you crazy sob, isn’t freedom of speach one of the most important thing in your sweaty fat people country ? come on man, i’ve been reading that blog for time and never posted any comments, but my first and only comment cannot be the one of you leaving. Get back on your paws B.
#13 by Josh on July 11, 2012 - 7:47 AM
NoooO! that’s fucked up, and What about the great tshirts?!
#14 by Z on July 11, 2012 - 7:53 AM
Im still wearing my HTFU hoodie at regionals next year
#15 by Drywall on July 11, 2012 - 8:06 AM
You’re going to have sooooo much more time to watch Star Wars and Back to the Future now. Trust me on this.
#16 by EPIC on July 11, 2012 - 8:57 AM
I always was your Padawan.
#17 by EPIC on July 11, 2012 - 8:10 AM
Thanks, urryone. I appreciate the love and I had a good time making lulz on teh intarwebz. Thanks for supporting the site this past year. Those of you who bought shirts helped me by shit that I wanted. Cool shit like booze, scratch-off lottery tickets and other booze.
For those of you that have dragged your feet on buying a shirt, you should do it soon. The spreadshirt shop is still up (for the next couple days).
#18 by Jakob on July 11, 2012 - 9:00 AM
I’ll do a tattoo of das Bear in your honor…
#19 by tonithgren on July 11, 2012 - 8:10 AM
I feel like Rocco at the end of Boondock Saints. “You can’t stop, you’ll get out of here, don’t ever stop!”
#20 by seraboin on July 11, 2012 - 8:23 AM
Is this a fucking joke?
#21 by AB on July 11, 2012 - 8:24 AM
Damn! You’re destroying what was left of my faith in the human race. I really don’t want to believe that Crossscienfuckingfitology has gone that far. So sad.
I need to think now, how to make sure the HQ never gets a $ of my money again.
#22 by gaucoin13 on July 11, 2012 - 8:30 AM
I can’t believe this crap, those HQ fuckers are gonna win!
#23 by RT on July 11, 2012 - 8:42 AM
R U fucking seious??? This is a huge disappointment.
#24 by Ex-SWO on July 11, 2012 - 8:58 AM
What a shame on many fronts. Not only the anon envelopes sent to your place of employment, but the fact that your gym asked you to leave…weak, bs move IMHO. Loved this blog, and it really helped me separate truth from fiction in the CF world. Damn glad I train myself, hired an Oly lifting coach, and never joined a box (thereby supporting the fascist regime). Good luck, bro…you’ll be missed.
#25 by Sensei on July 11, 2012 - 8:59 AM
why are you letting anyone tell you what you can, and can’t do.
#26 by EPIC on July 11, 2012 - 9:14 AM
Because when someone gets you by the balls and you have your livelihood threatened, you have to prioritize. Supporting my wife and children is way more important than making jokes on the internet.
#27 by Byrd on July 11, 2012 - 10:27 AM
Priorities man, I can understand that. The value and quality of reading you’ve provided has been awesomely impressive. To blow the whistle on stupid ass shit when needed and recognizing the regime’s inept-ness needs to continue.
I’d leave my gym too… but they fucking read this shit too. Eventually, I will scheme for these guys to get their base, then drop the crossfit name. I’d say fuck their competitions too, but I already did when they accepted 30 after 30 after 30 shit snatches putting people at significant risk.
This isn’t my blog so I’ll STFU now.
(Raising a black gloved fist 1968 olympics style)… speaking of, a real sporting event is right around the corner… and they do shit right!
#28 by AB on July 11, 2012 - 4:20 PM
I wish so much you’d live in Germany. Firstly, your employment couldn’t be threatened by what you write in your spare time, and secondly, I could order your t-shirts from spreadshirt.de.
Hey, if you’re, by any chance, an IT-guy, there’s a lack of them here.
#29 by Leo on July 11, 2012 - 8:59 AM
Sorry to See you go man, You should come up with a protest shirt…as in the front saying RIP Beastmodaldomains and in the back saying F@&K You HQ
F@&K You Reebok
I would wear this everywhere specially at the games.
OK Crossfit…I think its the best form of getting fit overall and all the athletes in the Games are basasses
but the Politics…….SUCKS!!!!
Crossfit as a whole has devalued its brand. They bully anyone who doesn’t drink the flavor of KoolAid they are serving up. How can a person who never worked out before does crossfit for a year loses 30 lbs, pays $1000 for a cert and overnight is knowledgeable enough to open a box and coach others? The Reebok deal….After Reebok lost the NFL contract it needed something to revive its brand. Let’s face it, when was the last time any of you wore a Reebok before Crossfit? I am in the shoe industry and the Reebok Nanos are crap. They fall apart easy and the soles are a bit too soft. Reebok rushed a crappy product into the market place because other more established Shoe companies needed the manufacturing plant space to put out products that has been developed for many years long Crossfit has ever existed.
#30 by CBo on July 11, 2012 - 9:08 AM
Ghetto as hellz
#31 by Rachel Huizenga Jennings on July 11, 2012 - 9:09 AM
Crossfit HQ has a way of castrating all my favorite people. I hate those fucks. NOT watching teh Games, NOT buying any of their shit, NOT supporting any of their boxes. Zorg Fitness will come, and I WILL pay to be part of that so I can help destrominate these dicks, and also cuz I fucking hate high rep anything. And I like my achiles.
#32 by gzt on July 11, 2012 - 4:38 PM
If you want to break free of “CrossFit HQ”, stop calling it a “box” and start calling it a “gym”.
#33 by Jason Marik Barger on July 12, 2012 - 11:31 PM
Stop calling it a “gym” and start calling it “really expensive Body Pump classes with shittier form”.
#34 by ronnie on July 11, 2012 - 9:15 AM
Crossfit is fucking gay.
#35 by Maria on July 11, 2012 - 9:20 AM
Even an asshole like you puts his family first. I get it. Just another reason I’m too embarrassed to wear my few CF t-shirts in public. Most were turned in to cleaning rags. Really going to miss your words. Thanks for all the laughs and hope the shit storm blows over soon.
#36 by JR on July 11, 2012 - 9:25 AM
“Limpdicky” as it may be, all this shit with you and the Naked CrossFitter makes me want to cry. So glad I got my Team BMD shirt when I did. I think I’ll wear it as I burn my official CrossFit merch out in the backyard tonight.
#37 by Mike on July 11, 2012 - 9:42 AM
If the blackmail envelope mailed to your employer got you in even a smidge of trouble, I’d say it’s time to start considering other career paths. Obviously shut the site down so you can continue looking for a paycheck. But, wouldn’t any reasonable employer just not give a crap about what you post on the Internet in your free time?
If somebody sent my employer an email filled with the stuff I do on the Internet, they’d have a good laugh and trash it. And the content on your site is tame in comparison.
#38 by Maria on July 11, 2012 - 9:47 AM
It’s Maria again. Just bought Tshirts for my husband and me. As middle school teachers, we’d love to wear STFU everyday, but we don’t need shit at work either. We will wear them …proudly.
#39 by Amy P. on July 11, 2012 - 9:51 AM
Family first, without a doubt. Very shitty tactics to get you to the point where you had to make that choice. Your words were entertaining and will be missed, thank you Epic. I will continue to ovulate victory.
#40 by Anon on July 11, 2012 - 9:53 AM
Honestly, that’s the last time I endorse Crossfit in name. I’ve long hesitated to tell people that I “do Crossfit” because I don’t know what sort of stigma is there beforehand with rhabdo, etc. Now, on top of that, because of this shit I will just let results speak for themselves and apply all that I’ve learned about myself and what’s effective to improve in domains that matter to me…without a brand name attached. They didn’t invent the fucking wheel and don’t deserve any more credit than they have already received…and that’s a stretch.
As for blogs like this, just stay anonymous. Don’t become a celebrity no matter how tempting it is to tell people that it’s you. Sorry that it got into your personal life, but you know how passive aggressive GG and DC can be.
Good luck to you. Maybe you could write with Drywall anonymously if you get the itch.
#41 by AF Zamarro on July 11, 2012 - 9:59 AM
What the fuck? I’m done – not watching the games, not going to their site, posting on my Facebook page that CF is a bunch of douchebags.
Yeah, and not sure why your employer gives a shit what you are doing on your own time, anonymously.
“Among the rich you will never find a really generous man even by accident. They may give their money away, but they will never give themselves away; they are egotistic, secretive, dry as old bones. To be smart enough to get all that money you must be dull enough to want it.” -G.K. Chesterton
This describes Glassman and the rest of the shitbags at HQ to a tee. I’m sure he will continue being rich long after the Crossfit brand has been sunk, and people realize that there is nothing magical that Crossfit is contributing to fitness. But he’ll still be an asshole.
#42 by huggybear on July 11, 2012 - 10:10 AM
Sad to see you go, and even more upset that a supposedly professional and “open source” (which is as laughable as it is untrue) would resort to such low-brow tactics to squelch any opposition. It’s sickening to see how much HQ has become like the Church of Scientology. You’re lulz will be missed.
#43 by huggybear on July 11, 2012 - 10:11 AM
And i just realized I used “you’re” instead of “your.” I’m an idiot.
#44 by brett on July 11, 2012 - 10:14 AM
This is bullshit. fuck HQ. Bunch of over sensitive pricks. I’m done with this shit
I wouldn’t tolerate people like these Fuckers in real life so they aren’t getting another penny from me.
#45 by Wesley Gee on July 11, 2012 - 10:16 AM
F, loved this site.
#46 by Whisky Juliet on July 11, 2012 - 10:17 AM
This saddens me. I love CrossFit™ because it truly did change my health and life but as a intelligent, take-no-bullshit Vet and a former mark for HQ’s BS myself, I hate the culture they’ve become. Good luck Epic. Your shit was great.
#47 by Gracie on July 11, 2012 - 10:19 AM
Noooooooo! I’ve loved reading your posts. Thank you for the laughs.
#48 by Stephanie Whiting on July 11, 2012 - 10:23 AM
What the fuck? That’s retarded. Glassman, Dave Cross and their emissary of evil tyrants have gotten on my last nerve. I am totally through with CrossFit. I can’t believe they act like that. I LOVE my box, but I will never support CrossFit in name again. How does he get away with this (by the way, if you weren’t leaving I would TOTALLY start a KickStarter to pay for your certs – having read that nasty “article” on the Journal (ie Mein Kampf) about Twight, I would have loved to see your article. Can’t believe you are gone.
#49 by d310njaxon on July 11, 2012 - 10:24 AM
GAY! Tell you boss that Bear is running this website and you have nothing to do with it.
#50 by Prince on July 11, 2012 - 10:25 AM
BMD, It is illegal for Xfit to shut you down. Making parodies or jokes about other brands is protected right under freedom of speech. SNL does this every week. They make parodies and jokes about other brands (products, celebs, services) out there and they sustain themselves by selling ads. Not every brand (in fact most of them) do not like what SNL has to say about them.
It is common for big companies’ IP lawyers to write bullying letters to small enterprises like yourself.
Spend an hour watching this video on IP infringement:
media.wcl.american.edu/Mediasite/Viewer/?peid=04abe16e-cc61-4dda-adf9-13742b34f587
You will see, how wrong Crossfit’s lawyers really are.
Go out and get a good IP attorney to respond to HQ’s letters. If you need money to get an IP lawyer, just put up a pledge button on your site and i am sure all your fans will donate money to stop HQ from doing this. I know, I will donate.
Don’t bitch out, Fight it!
#51 by Water Buffalo on July 11, 2012 - 10:58 AM
From what I understand it was a choice between his employment (How he supports his family) and his website.
A non-choice if you ask me, it just sucks that HQ used such underhanded tactics.
#52 by un1eashed on July 11, 2012 - 12:53 PM
Well, its also blackmail, in a way.
Also, I’m sure you could argue that your employer cannot terminate you for the things you say and do OUTSIDE of your office (depending on the state you live in).
#53 by Lizzie on July 11, 2012 - 10:28 AM
A sad sad day…And how about freedom to speak…You are still the best Beast!
#54 by M-Squared on July 11, 2012 - 10:37 AM
Shirts boughten. This is bullshit. I agree with Prince, #47. Your sites and others like it were CLEARLY parody and satire. HQ needs to grow a set and grow up.
#55 by Miko on July 11, 2012 - 10:53 AM
Sadly there is politics in crossfit and it’s also sad that these fuck faces don’t have the balls to approach you in person. What’s the point of doing insane wods if you can’t do a proper email, go up to someone and talk to them?!
Last time I checked it’s a free country, can’t you just not be an affiliate and do awesome shit? Being awesome doesn’t entail that one should succumb to shity rules,
Hence the awesomeness,
Continue being awesome! You’ll be back I’ll bet hq’s left nut you’ll be back.
Who will police the world of shity grammar syntax and duschebagry?
Cheers to you for being awesome and having the balls most people don’t have.
#56 by woollyllama on July 11, 2012 - 10:53 AM
Wow, Crossfit really is a cult! What an amazingly sheisty move sending stuff to your work and threatening your livelihood. That is so low I can’t even comprehend it.
Best of luck at the storm blowing over.
#57 by J on July 11, 2012 - 11:02 AM
That sucks. Really liked your site! Hope someone has warned wodcast about their impending doom
#58 by FlippingTheMourningSwitchtoBeastMode on July 11, 2012 - 11:11 AM
Just when I realized you could ease the separation anxiety I felt at losing Drywall, now I’m losing you. While your perspective and amended screen shots have me wetting myself with belly guffaws, your grammar and syntax are good–so a tragedy of MASSIVE proportions. Strong arm tactics, especially anonymous tactics effing with your livelihood, suck long and hard.
I’m repulsed and saddened. And buying several shirts as fast as I effing can. [And I’m speechless that your CF affiliate asked you to leave. WTF?]
Let the tearing of the hair and the beating of the breast commence.
#59 by Stu Pedasso on July 11, 2012 - 11:17 AM
If I were half as funny as you (and if I gave a shit about bashing Xfit), I’d pick up the torch and run with it. I’m self-employed, so fuck them.
You will be missed, sir. Rock on, and may the Force be with you.
#60 by ObeyHQ on July 11, 2012 - 11:22 AM
As a final “GOING OUT SO EFF YOU” move, can you PLEASE post up the high-res “Obey HQ” graphic so we can screen print the hell outta those shirts and wear them proudly to all CF events?
#61 by Johnny Utah on July 11, 2012 - 11:23 AM
Thanks for the LULZ….now you and Drywall can hang out on the couch (if you know what I mean) all day long.
#62 by Pat on July 11, 2012 - 11:34 AM
I feel for you bro, on one hand I am like “hey pussy stand up for your rights”, but I am in a job that I have to watch my back and censure what I say daily never mind what I would post. You do have the right to post what you want, but it is the cost of doing so that screws you (Lawyers Fees, Lost job, pissed off wife etc). As far as your gym goes they were prob threatened with shit also. There are other CF gyms in your part of the woods, we would be glad to have you.
#63 by Shepard on July 11, 2012 - 11:38 AM
This is some horseshit. Fuck HQ. Thanks for the laughs and keepin’ it real.
True Story: The chickenshit pussy who sent the letters to your place of employment is a bitch. A bitch who hasn’t hit puberty yet. Guaranteed.
“It goes in one ear, and right out the other, people talkin’ shit but you know it doesn’t bother me. Goes in one ear and right out the other…haters can kiss the back of my hand.” -Cage the Elephant.
#64 by tim on July 11, 2012 - 11:40 AM
crossfit is owned by the illuminati now…
#65 by Assassin on July 11, 2012 - 11:40 AM
Ruthless. It makes me mad to think they “won.” Whoever “they” are. Fuckers.
#66 by Maria on July 11, 2012 - 11:49 AM
I will be voicing my outrage to Reebok and Adiddas. If they’re going to go after your employer I will go after there’s. I won’t even look at another Reebok product until they divest themselves of Crossfuck.
#67 by Dano on July 11, 2012 - 12:07 PM
I blame Rx Star for all of it. Bitches be diabolical yo.
#68 by EPIC on July 11, 2012 - 12:49 PM
Lulz. Maybe it was them…
#69 by Anthony D on July 11, 2012 - 12:08 PM
I am sorry to hear this BS and I respect that family is FIRST!! Just a thought and it may not be worth it to BMD, but how about creating a PRIVATE Facebook page? Only people you invite can read it and comment on it……….. people must request your permission to be added, etc. HQ has NO CONTROLS over FB and pages created within the website.
#70 by Anonymous on July 12, 2012 - 2:34 PM
I second that request!!!
#71 by Denny on July 11, 2012 - 12:28 PM
I think Cedric Daniels said it best: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bcy8bvhewtU
#72 by Brady on July 11, 2012 - 12:31 PM
Bro, as a former affiliate owner who left due to the constant retardisms provided daily by CFHQ, I am saddened by the loss of this truth ejaculating reality dose. I’ll miss LMAO at the goofy-fucking stories and shirts. If you want to start a gym, let me know!
#73 by Jim on July 11, 2012 - 12:34 PM
I love that pic/vid of Castro’s deadlift. I used it in a blog post about bad/unsafe movement standards, and then HQ decided to drop my main site WOD demo video that they had already shot.
When you start to piss off everyone, at least you know your voice is being heard.
#74 by un1eashed on July 11, 2012 - 12:50 PM
Envelopes to your place of employment? If they did send them, that is some seriously gangster-like behavior.
#75 by herpderp on July 11, 2012 - 1:16 PM
absolute fucking horseshit.
#76 by Rick James on July 11, 2012 - 1:49 PM
Damn, wtf do you say that’s has not already been said? Can I just say thanks for your website, without it I wouldn’t have been introduced to Rudy and the Putlaw way, and I would have been weak little bitch instead of destroying the fucking gym I coach at on a daily basis. Tell you what, you ever make it out to Hawaii, you can borrow my jeep.
#77 by Rick James on July 11, 2012 - 1:50 PM
Shit stupid iPhone. Putlaw way hahaha OUTLAW WAY god damn that’s awesome hahaha
#78 by Trev on July 11, 2012 - 2:22 PM
If you can’t poke fun at yourself, well, then you’re an organized religion. Never figured CF would become the new Scientology. Maybe in a couple hundred years they’ll have rhabdo guns that they can use on people who take “the Prophet” Glassman’s name in vain. On the bright side, you can join Robb Wolf and many other great Americans on the list of kick-ass people fucked over by HQ.
#79 by sx3b745q on July 11, 2012 - 2:40 PM
“You can strike me down, but it will only make me stronger…”. Like the taliban insurgents…every one of you whom they stomp out will result in a whackamole effect.
#80 by Beard Grills on July 11, 2012 - 2:45 PM
Dammit. You know every time HQ wins, god kills 100 kittens?
#81 by weezel32 on July 11, 2012 - 2:51 PM
I now know what shirt I’m wearing to the Regionals next year.
#82 by Mark on July 11, 2012 - 2:52 PM
So, I have been reading all of this shit since day one. Very rarely, if ever post comments. Just enjoy the humor. I have spread this site’s message far and wide and definitely with everyone I ever meet who talk about doing crossfit. I have never been a crossfitter nor will I, and today proves exactly why- fucking CULT and a MONOPOLY. Hey HQ and other brain washed fucks- Suzanne Summers had a MONOPOLY on the fucking thighmaster until someone like Epic pointed out this was a useless waste of money that you could get the same results by putting your fists between your knees and squeezing. Point is Crossfit will fall on its own dick too because of it’s very own “elitist” bullshit. Fact is- you either work out and get after it or you fucking don’t and you don’t need some faggotty coach, special diet regimen, and high tech reebok shoes to do it. Next time you take your kids to the park, try doing some pull ups, toes to bar, or whatever else comes to you. Best thing I ever learned from Beastmodal Domain- Fitness is about life, not just about going to the gym and measuring weiners, time, and loads. Glad I still work with Epic and can just lean around the wall and ask him when I need to be told how fucking dumb an exercise I was thinking up was. Thanks crybaby assholes, you are no more “Elite” than the fat ass Americans who whine and complain McDonald’s made them fat. You are equally “Elite Dumbasses”.
#83 by Chops on July 11, 2012 - 2:53 PM
Man, wtf. Leave that spreadshirt site open for the weekend, I’ve always wanted one of your shirts… always figured I had forever to buy one.
Take care, Epic. Loved the lulz. Hope you wont be too silent on leTwitter.
#84 by Anon on July 11, 2012 - 3:10 PM
Coffee.
#85 by Russell Aaron on July 11, 2012 - 3:10 PM
Definitely going to miss your blog. The whole CrossFit scene just makes me sick, and I’ll miss all the needling and real insights you contributed. I just wish they would acknowledge that they really don’t know what they’re doing and aren’t gods gift to the world…
#86 by Robb Wolf (@robbwolf) on July 11, 2012 - 3:18 PM
What does it take to be outed from the “community”? Provide criticism. In any form. But what if folks in the community were to do…oh, say BAD things? Would those folks be similarly given their walking papers.
Time will tell. Like a few days time.
Epic, you did God’s work amigo. You first got on my radar when you wrote a slam piece on me and paleo. It was spot on and some of the funniest shit I’ve read in a long time. I tweeted and re-tweeted that fucker because if you cannot laugh at your own stoopid shit, if you take yourself so seriously that you take punitive actions against your detractors, you are an asshole par-excellence.
#87 by Occams Chainsaw on July 11, 2012 - 6:45 PM
Whoa, throwing out some cryptic shit….what do you know Robb? What’s going to happen? What are you privy to?
#88 by Steve Gomez on July 11, 2012 - 3:20 PM
I work for corporate America…I can totally imagine getting called into HR for this after letters were sent but if I didnt use work computer or work time for my lulz extracurricular activity….not sure I would pussy out. But, prob not worth the risk either.
#89 by Ramrod on July 11, 2012 - 3:23 PM
I guess Dan and I are actually going to have to do work at the office. I’m crushed….
#90 by FlippingTheMourningSwitchtoBeastMode on July 11, 2012 - 3:36 PM
Hey Ramrod, why not get a job at HQ? Then you can get PAID to sit around and read funny-as-shit blogs. Except there’s that whole, “This is too funny and too smart, so let’s mess with the author’s First Amendment rights while we’re profiting from appeals to patriotism and emotion with our Hero WODs. Threatening his livelihood oughta shut him right up,” clause in the job description that would probably get tedious.
#91 by Anal Dave Esquire on July 11, 2012 - 3:36 PM
Epic- You were the Lobot that we all loved and cherished!
“What’s the plan?”
“Well, we kneel down here exposed in this corridor and hope somehow that they don’t vastly outnumber us.”
“I like it!”
Reebok CrossFit can suck Deez Nuts for time! Good Day!!!
#92 by johnnyboyolive on July 11, 2012 - 3:48 PM
Much Love Brother – remember to tell those a-holes @ Crossfit HQ – STFU and Lift Something…
As always my brother – Snatch ya soon bro…
@JohnnyBoyOlive
#93 by jen on July 11, 2012 - 4:20 PM
That is harassment, I’d hunt the fuckers down and press charges. I hope you can find some way to continue, you’re extremely talented and make a lot of people laugh!
#94 by Lisa on July 11, 2012 - 4:43 PM
Well damn. Who’s going to make me laugh until I cry now? I think we can all help support you by putting this blog post out there on all social outlets. Take this post link and Pin, Tweet, FB, Digg, Stumble, Google Plus, Ploogle Gus, and everything else under the sun. Pulling some SEO tricks could help add some security to your priorities right now. Let’s put this out there, people. Your blog is too great to go down like that.
#95 by James on July 11, 2012 - 4:58 PM
Dude, Noooooo
#96 by AtillaTheChun on July 11, 2012 - 5:26 PM
CrossFit IS a cult. Stop supporting highly overpriced bullshit exercise programs. Running, pushups, situps, pullups, swimming, etc.. are all free. Bonus: when you do them by yourself or with a friend (or two) they are also free of indoctrination.
I hope someone downloads this entire site and keeps it alive!
#97 by TJ on July 11, 2012 - 5:33 PM
I guess learning about the constitution and the 1st Amendmen was missed out by the folks at CFHQ. I am however going to go to spreadshirt and purchase a t shirt to support the, duh the is America B*tches I say what I want, initiative 🙂
#98 by Geoff on July 11, 2012 - 5:36 PM
Dude, fuck. I only just discovered your website recently and got caught up on all your posts a week or two ago. I’ve been checking your site daily for a new post, and this is the one I get?!? Motherfuck. I’m going to buy a shirt now. Thanks for the laughs – your shit was awesome.
#99 by Trinity on July 11, 2012 - 5:44 PM
As I know you personally from our gym I’m sorry to see that this has happened to you. I will miss your blog as I know many others will. I wish people could just leave things alone. Its sad that they caused you so many problems and reaching into your private life was wrong. Whoever did that…Karma is a BITCH. Good luck EPIC.
#100 by Kitty Pruuie on July 11, 2012 - 6:15 PM
xfit is a pile of poopie
#101 by chris111 on July 11, 2012 - 6:59 PM
EPIC don’t go! Can we just all pay you $25/year to keep writing instead of paying for the CFJ?
#102 by Fuck a crossfit on July 11, 2012 - 6:59 PM
Zen fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face
Close your eyes, can’t happen here
Big Bro’ on white horse is near
The hippies won’t come back you say
Mellow out or you will pay
Mellow out or you will pay!
Some Dead Kennedy’s seemed appropriate.
Fuck the (crossfit) establishment.
R.I.P. Beastmodal Domains
Sucks. Just sucks!
#103 by stacia on July 11, 2012 - 7:07 PM
I only discovered your site a few months ago and now its ending!?!? So sad!
#104 by Whiskey Tango Foxtrot on July 11, 2012 - 8:51 PM
That is garbage. But we all know “fighting for your rights” costs a $hitload of money and time…and really not worth it when youve got mouths to feed. They count on that.
#105 by Dan on July 11, 2012 - 9:26 PM
These blogs were the only thing giving cf a non psycho face. Most hobbies are absurd with enough fervor, but cf goes way overboard. However, these self-aware self-depreciating blogs like these are actually the reason I began to take cf seriously. It shows real people and not cult members/marketers. I even started oly lifting at a box. The oly s cool, playing with the crossfit stuff is cool, but sending money to those psychopaths isnt as alluring as it once was, to say the least…
BTW Glassman, get me fired, i need a vacation!
#106 by obviousleah on July 11, 2012 - 10:49 PM
I’ll be writing a post on my blog in response to the recent HQ ridiculousness!! Oh maybe I shouldn’t say that on the internet…
#107 by Brad R on July 11, 2012 - 10:51 PM
Losing Drywall was alright, ’cause we still had you. Losing the Naked Xfitter was alright because, let’s face it, his lulz were like my daughter…6 months old and weak. But this sucks. You will be missed
#108 by jake on July 11, 2012 - 11:58 PM
Gonna miss your irreverence man. Best of luck to you and yours.
#109 by Dave on July 12, 2012 - 12:07 AM
sell me the site. Ill keep it goin.
#110 by Tugger on July 13, 2012 - 2:28 AM
Better: Disseminate the posts on an anonymous site like 4chan fit board at a predetermined time. Copypasta them on blogs all over.
Let CF HQ try and fuck with Anonymous for some real Lulz.
#111 by Jan on July 12, 2012 - 1:06 AM
Looks like Crossfit turned corporate and let their egos get ahead of them. It only looks bad on them, and eventually, like all assholes, enough people will let them know they are assholes.
#112 by Sucky my dicky on July 12, 2012 - 2:14 AM
Soooo….does that mean HQ is more powerful than the constitution and can prohibit you from exercising your 1st amendment rights???
#113 by cfirony on July 12, 2012 - 2:24 AM
Epic, are you going to be able to join another affiliate? Or, due to CrossFit’s actions, are you by default prevented from joining other affiliates? I sincerely hope so. I obviously haven’t met you personally, but knowing you drink Jameson with Rudy and many of the Outlaw crowd, I know you’re a good dude.
I don’t see how any member or business who is a legitimate part of the CrossFit community will be able to engage in open-minded discussion about the negative aspects of CrossFit. How is the brand supposed to improve?
Are “non-traditional” CrossFit programs like Rudy’s the Outlaw Way and others going to end up like OPT and be left “persona non grata”? It’s like anyone with an idea that departs from a strict CVFMHIABTAMD ™ interpretation is immediately black listed.
/soapbox
#114 by EPIC on July 12, 2012 - 8:38 AM
I have a gym. It’s good. HQ can’t touch it.
#115 by themainsitecurator on July 12, 2012 - 2:58 AM
why the fuck does your place of work care that you have a snarky crossfit blog? did they not know you were capable of swearing or making fun of shit?
#116 by jake on July 12, 2012 - 9:03 PM
Maybe he’s a youth pastor or something.
#117 by flyinggriz on July 12, 2012 - 3:41 AM
Hey, maybe someone should tell HQ to HTFU and quit fuckstomping the Constitution. Oh well; should be interesting to see what Robb was talking about. Shirt bought; thanks for the lulz and the blistering, honest criticisms when I needed them most.
#118 by D on July 12, 2012 - 7:34 AM
The wise person finds enimies more useful than the fool does friends. Many owe their greatness to their enemies. Flattery is fiercer than hatred, for hatred corrects the faults that flattery had disguised. The prudent man makes a mirror out of the evil eye of others, and it is more truthful than that of affection, and helps him reduce his defects or ammend them.
Epic, you are destined for greatness!
#119 by Guinness on July 12, 2012 - 8:40 AM
Buddy turned me on to your site during the last deployment. “Check my buddies site out, he calls himself Epic and he’s a beast.” My first thought was that you sounded like a huge douche. Then I read a post, then the past posts, then kept waiting for new posts. Thanks for saying all the things the rest of us are thinking. After it all, you’re not the huge douche I thought you were- just a small one. Best of luck.
#120 by airchrist on July 12, 2012 - 9:35 AM
“Pride comes before the fall.” – Priest in “The Departed”
HQ is destined for death by gayness. Most people already think it’s stupid. Give it two years. Tae-Bo’d.
#121 by jmca on July 12, 2012 - 11:23 AM
“We Shall Overcome” t-shirt?
#122 by kras on July 12, 2012 - 12:20 PM
Bad things?
http://blogs.laweekly.com/informer/2012/07/crossfit_homeless_facebook_pictures.php
#123 by CB on July 12, 2012 - 12:27 PM
what a bunch of fascist wanksters. but hey, they can do lots of those gay kipping pullups…
A possible solution could be a public xfit bashing forum?
#124 by Ginger Wizard on July 12, 2012 - 12:54 PM
Just makes me want to burn this mother fucker down…..
#125 by Polish Hammer on July 12, 2012 - 1:18 PM
This breaks my heart. I have enjoyed your work tremendously and it saddens me how thin skinned people have become. HTFU Crossfit.
#126 by EM on July 12, 2012 - 2:54 PM
This whole thing is disgusting. I am so sorry. Is the entire website being taken down or are you just not going to post new stuff? Please, God, have mercy on us all and keep the archives up…
#127 by Curtis Warren on July 12, 2012 - 4:12 PM
T-shirt ordered, the least I could do, sorry it came down to this bro. /Salute
#128 by Stahl on July 12, 2012 - 6:35 PM
They did the same thing to an affiliate league we started simply because OPT was doing the programming. They had no formal role in it nor did they support it even though people loved it, but they made sure to threaten our sponsors, participating affiliates, and us into pulling out unless we breached our contract with OPT. When we said no (because we also had day jobs not in the fitness industry), they dropped the ZORG bomb and everyone backed out. Bush league.
#129 by Bdeckba on July 12, 2012 - 7:36 PM
Galileo, Einstein, Jesus, Gandhi, Abe Lincoln, Mel Gibson in Braveheart…like those before him, he has paved the way for others.
#130 by Linda Weber on July 12, 2012 - 10:16 PM
You are talented. When you start writing elsewhere, we will find you. Good Luck!
#131 by john on July 12, 2012 - 10:57 PM
Even if you never put up a new post please leave this site up.