Separation of Church and Gym

I don’t care about what you believe.  I don’t want to hear about it and I certainly don’t want to deal with it when I’m in the gym.  Religion is a touchy subject (what with it causing most wars and shit).  Working out is not.  Keeping that shit separate (outside of your mind) would do everyone a great service.  CrossFit Central owner and co-creator of SICFIT, Jeremy Thiel, isn’t interested in that recommendation:

The above image is real and you can find it over at Thiel’s blog.  I have several sources that told me he named SICFIT after the acronym “Strength In Christ.”  Lulz.  Anyway, his blog actually predates RX Star, and it appears they might have taken some inspiration from him:

 

“Love was now an ACT of WAR.”  I don’t know, that’s either the most overdramatic pussy shit I’ve ever heard, or it just sounds like another dipshit who’s never been in combat misusing ‘war’.  Back to religion and fitness:

Ew.  Fuck no.  That’s not what I was talking about.  WWJD?  Pretty sure he wouldn’t be making it rain for either of those busted cougaz.   More specifically, I was talking about religion and CrossFit:

  

Wait, what?  God Damn it.  Not that either.  That appears to be some knock-off that HQ hasn’t caught yet(?)  I was talking more along the lines of this:

 

That’s CrossFit Born Again in Fayetteville, Arkansas; where everybody is somebody, but Jesus is Lord!  If a business owner decides to glorify their chosen deity and their venture becomes a success, good on ’em.  I just don’t want anything to do with it.  That shit weirds me out.  Kinda like this: 

Bible Study, 3-2-1-go!  STFU.  Does everything in CrossFit have to be a fucking “WOD”?  I wish someone would start ShitWOD so we can all post pics of our Type-4’s to comments.

  

Imagine if people posted pics of their shit to facebook.  I’m just as interested in seeing pictures of human feces as I am in seeing pictures of paleo dishes people have made.  So, facebook would essentially go full circle with regards to the digestive cycle.  There appears to be a common theme among those who are very religious and those who eat paleo: they just can’t seem to shut the fuck up about it.  A couple weeks ago, someone who is very religious and doesn’t eat paleo displayed their reasoning on Twitter:

 

The irony here is fucking beautiful.  The face of the CrossFit Games is very true to his belief in Christianity while the creator of CrossFit, Greg Glassman, is rumored to be a staunch atheist.  When I first realized that, I was all:

   

But it set in and then I was all:

Besides, I thought it was common knowledge that Jesus was a bodybuilder? 

Anyway, I don’t claim to know everything, but I do know science is fucking awesome.  It tells my brain smart shit.  I rely on scientists to figure out things on which I can base many decisions.  When making nutrition decisions, I do so under the guidance of something other than a book that was written before humanity had cracked the code on the earth not being flat.

 

I contacted God on facebook in order to solicit his opinion on the whole thing.  He never responded.  It appears he’s too busy duking it out with Science:

I’m not anti-religion, I just don’t feel like dealing with it in the gym.  End of story.  For any religious folks who may have been angered by this Beastmodal Domains post, please seek comfort in this:

 

Or just post your hate to comments and tell me how much of an asshole I am.  It’ll really shock me since I’ve never heard that one before.

 

If any of you really want to know what I think, watch this:

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  1. #1 by Mike on June 26, 2012 - 9:07 AM

    Best. Post. Eva.

    I thankfully don’t have to deal with at my box. However – I do follow a bunch of crossfitters on Twitter and so many lead with / identify themselves as christian. Why? I hope there is more to me than what I choose to believe it.

    Leave it at church, people. I don’t tell you how drunk I am going to get tonight…. errrrr, nevermind.

  2. #2 by Mattk on June 26, 2012 - 9:11 AM

    You my friend are an asshole!!! I just chocked on my bacon!!! Hahahahaha!!!!
    The genius of this is now if you suck at this or other jesus wods like all other Christians you can just say it was god’s will to suck.

  3. #3 by CM on June 26, 2012 - 9:20 AM

    *Grabs the popcorn*

    Seriously, the only thing that will be more entertaining than this comment section will be when Epic goes to do a drop-in at CrossFit Central wearing an Iggy Pop t-shirt…

    • #4 by EPIC on June 26, 2012 - 9:47 AM

      I dunno, haters haven’t been commenting here much recently. Perhaps I’ve reached my target audience? Or maybe everyone has realized I’m right about everything.

      • #5 by CS on June 26, 2012 - 2:15 PM

        It’s summer. Fatties are too busy sitting in front of the A/C to bitch about anything…

  4. #6 by Drywall on June 26, 2012 - 9:21 AM

    Admit it, you wrote this entire piece as an excuse to post the Starbucks and Matt Chan images. I got you figured out.

    • #7 by EPIC on June 26, 2012 - 9:48 AM

      Actually, someone sent me the Jesus WOD thing months ago and I’ve been praying and asking the lord when the right time to talk about this might be. After 3 days in the belly of a whale, the lord spaketh unto me and said, “Let there be lulz.”

      • #8 by Jakob on June 26, 2012 - 4:26 PM

        And LULZ there were….

  5. #9 by jerkmotel on June 26, 2012 - 9:26 AM

    Amen!

  6. #10 by Ryan Anderson on June 26, 2012 - 9:26 AM

    Reblogged this on Pursuing My Evolution and commented:
    Read it, love it

  7. #11 by Corine on June 26, 2012 - 9:27 AM

    I never understand the “thank you Jesus (Allah/Jaweh/God etc) for helping me win”. You work you socks off and give someone else the credit, strange. On the other hand, if God could help me perfect my technique with a few good pointers…. I just might turn Christian.

  8. #12 by Erin on June 26, 2012 - 9:31 AM

    the only thing better than this blog entry is your response to matt chan.

    • #13 by kristinbowen on June 26, 2012 - 10:46 AM

      totally agree–lost it when I read your response

  9. #14 by Gareth on June 26, 2012 - 9:31 AM

    Genius as always! Nearly wet myself when it got to the two gifs. Still find it hard to believe Rich Froning went to twitter with those comments…..

  10. #15 by Mike on June 26, 2012 - 9:32 AM

    You Jews are always destrominating on JC

    • #16 by EPIC on June 26, 2012 - 9:51 AM

      Jews are always destrominating comedy. Fact.

      • #17 by bigdogwods on June 26, 2012 - 11:23 AM

        Yeah, but too bad they can’t train at that new gym that just opened up… CrossFit Hitler. Fact.

  11. #18 by James on June 26, 2012 - 9:44 AM

    Brillian again! I’m a little dissappointed that we are this many comments in and no one has gotten all butt hurt by this blog. And to any pissed off bible thumper that takes time to read the blog and the comments, before you start spewing your venom, remember your whole faith is based on “forgiveness”.

  12. #19 by Danya on June 26, 2012 - 9:54 AM

    This is so GODDAMN brilliant .. I’m leaping for joy .. we just had a huge disagreement at our gym over the Froning t-shirt being advertised for sale on Crossfit’s home page. I made a comment about how I thought crossfit was for everybody and that was it .. I was condemned to hell .. but I look at this way .. in hell I’ll probably have better company .. FOR THE RECORD .. Religion and business are a BAD BAD mix . Whether you lift for Jesus , for cows , or for magic underwear , I just don’t give a sh*T. Come in do work , and leave without telling me what I need to believe in .

    • #20 by EPIC on June 26, 2012 - 10:57 AM

      “magic underwear” – Lol @ Mormons.

      • #21 by Johnny Utah on June 26, 2012 - 11:35 AM

        You really wanna piss of some folks go at #teammormon Trust me on that one….they make crossfit kool aid drinkers look like Drywall.

        /get me away from crazy mormons PLZ

    • #22 by Steve on July 9, 2012 - 7:28 AM

      The exception is Chick-fil-A. That’s a Jesus is on my bottom line (sts) business and those milk shakes are delicious!

  13. #23 by art vandalay on June 26, 2012 - 9:56 AM

    Kenny Powers says
    “I never got into the Native American mythology. You can smoke the peace pipe till your dick falls off, but I’m not dancin with any wolves no matter how high I get. Not that I get high, but if i did my shit would still believe in our lord and savior Jesus Christ”

    • #24 by Scott P on June 26, 2012 - 10:23 AM

      Yeah, but would you get high and dance with some “cougars” Kenny? Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it at least once……..

  14. #25 by Espen on June 26, 2012 - 10:04 AM

    aah, the lulz! This post made my day! Well, gotta hit the gym now, lots´a people that need to hear about Paleo today! ^^

  15. #26 by Lisa Reilly on June 26, 2012 - 10:15 AM

    People who get offended by you and Drywall are ridiculous. Maybe you could add a shirt to your awesome collection that I could wear on consecutive days with my STFU shirt that says “LTFU and stop bitching” Lighten the fuck up people!

  16. #27 by Scott P on June 26, 2012 - 10:27 AM

    Excellent piece, never understood why these so called Christians spent so much time spouting how holy they were and not helping their fellow man out or are the first to condemn someone for their mistakes instead of helping them out. Now most of them will think I have invented the DICK WOD…..

  17. #28 by Super Hot CrossFit Girl on June 26, 2012 - 10:28 AM

    8lb 6oz baby Jay-sus, the video at the end sealed it for me. If you could get those twins with a Starbucks in their hand, I might lose my mind. Work on that…..

  18. #29 by Tino on June 26, 2012 - 10:28 AM

    This post made up for a so far shitty week….Awesome…..
    Poor CROSS Fitness…now that you outed them CFHQ is going to sue the shit out of them. I wonder what Froning will think of that….

  19. #30 by Maria on June 26, 2012 - 10:42 AM

    You are an asshole! So’s my husband and most of my friends…you so funny.

  20. #31 by gophysed on June 26, 2012 - 10:50 AM

    Couple of questions about the Jesus WOD…

    1) WWJT! What was Jesus’ time
    2) When you say he passed at 3pm…was that Eastern Standard Time?

  21. #32 by Leah on June 26, 2012 - 10:52 AM

    God I love you.

    • #33 by MB on June 26, 2012 - 12:47 PM

      MEST….middle-eastern standard time

  22. #34 by Dr. Barry Hungwell on June 26, 2012 - 10:59 AM

    I asked Jesus for a 200# snatch.

    That woman about killed me.

    Jesus got jokes.

    • #35 by Danny on June 26, 2012 - 12:13 PM

      JAJA!!! Can I vote this as best comment?!?!

  23. #36 by jake on June 26, 2012 - 10:59 AM

    I’m a bible believing creationist and all, but that was hilarious. A lot of christians have a stick stuck so far up their anus that they don’t appreciate hilarity even when it is literally kicking them in the ass. That was a hoot.

    “6.5 mil Likes. Suck it Science.”

  24. #37 by Jim on June 26, 2012 - 11:21 AM

    Hating is a feminine trait. I think you need to man up a bit.

  25. #38 by Jane on June 26, 2012 - 11:22 AM

    I LOVE this piece. I am so tired of the militant Jesus wanking at the “box”, that I have actually stopped going; it makes me sicker than a 43 minute Murph WOD, to pay $150+ to hear these people circle jerk their devotion. Hence my email address, for life – separationcs.

  26. #39 by brandylpeterson on June 26, 2012 - 11:30 AM

    This. Was. Amazing.
    That Jesus WOD wears me out just trying to process his thought process. All lessons aside just give me a WOD and lets do the damn thing!

  27. #40 by Kristen R on June 26, 2012 - 11:38 AM

    I joke about crossfit being my chruch, afterall my life revolves around it, but these people are taking it to an entirely crazy level. I know crossfit is full of some fanatical types, but come on people.

    So I guess this means Jesus was a “Zone” guy. 😉

  28. #41 by AF Zamarro on June 26, 2012 - 11:38 AM

    I didn’t find it as funny as most of your posts – I guess having an animus against religion would help make it funnier.

  29. #42 by TrollFeast on June 26, 2012 - 11:51 AM

    @MattChan

    You’se got TROLLED ! Lolololol

  30. #43 by B.Frank on June 26, 2012 - 11:57 AM

    Seconding the first comment. Best post ever.

  31. #44 by Mario on June 26, 2012 - 12:13 PM

    Faith WOD! Hahahaha. I bet even my grandmother could do that one as RXd!

    I love your post!

  32. #45 by Juan on June 26, 2012 - 12:22 PM

    To give credit where credit’s due, at least the religious folks are pretty consistent with repect to their general attitude of “well, you’re going to hell, but I won’t judge you.” That ain’t too bad. The worst is the white folks who tell me (a decidedly non-white) that they have never experienced white people treating THEM any differently because of the colour of their skin; therefore, it is impossible that it has ever happened to me. Gee, thanks for letting me know it was all in my mind, just like the only thing that’s holding me back from that 350 lb snatch.

  33. #46 by Battle-Axe on June 26, 2012 - 12:52 PM

    Good day all, Bible thumping, believer in the Lord Jesus Christ here. Funny as usual Epic, even though I cringe a little when I read posts slamming the Savior. Not because I’m offended, I’m not. I don’t even think Christ’s feelings are hurt, after all he manned-up through a lot worse for you and me (not just at the hands of the Jews, Jew bashers). His response: “Forgive them father for they know not what they do”. No, I cringe because people of faith can, and often do more harm than good when it comes to sharing the Good News. I agree with you to a certain extent. As a Christian, I hide that fact no more than you would hide the fact that you love lifting heave shit, drinking beer, and slamming HQ (things I enjoy as well). What’s wrong with that? The problem is I don’t think you go around introducing yourself that way and neither should Christians go around laying it on that thick. But those things are such a big part of your life I’m sure they would come up at some point, just like my faith would. The bible says to make the most of every opportunity when it comes to sharing your faith. I just don’t think sharing it during a WOD, or announcing it from a 30” plyo-box is the best opportunity.
    As far as Jesus WODs, Love is an act of WAR, and Wildebeests pole dancing… “Forgive them father for they know not what they do”.

    “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.”—1 Corinthians 16:13

  34. #47 by Chess on June 26, 2012 - 1:37 PM

    As far as my knowledge of Christian mythology goes I thought that the cross that was carried was really really heavy. Thiels WOD is a blasphemy, equating his suffering with a mere 95 lb barbell. That shit should be at least 100% of your 1 RM back squat otherwise the workout is just too easy and a dishonour to Jesus who could have destrominated that pussy 95 lb workout in about 2 seconds flat.

    • #48 by Steve Jo on June 29, 2012 - 7:41 PM

      Try doing that wod in under 30 minutes, and video it, and I will personally suck your dick.

      • #49 by EPIC on June 29, 2012 - 8:10 PM

        Look at you getting defensive about the Jesus WOD. I guess you’ve done it. Awww, and your IP address says you are from Austin. Guess you’re one of Thiel’s boys. U mad, bro?

      • #50 by Gnossos Pappadopoulis on July 3, 2012 - 10:39 AM

        Hey don’t forget that god hates fags. Fag.

  35. #51 by Rick James on June 26, 2012 - 1:51 PM

    Read this on the shitter first thing this morning. Helped me pass a huge type 3.

  36. #52 by Beard Grills on June 26, 2012 - 2:37 PM

    Am I the only one here who has ever contemplated taking a picture of their toilet creepers? I mean, those epic 14 inches that snake out of the bowl are a thing to be proud of. You MADE that. It’s a beautiful thing.

    • #53 by Cakes and Shakes... on June 29, 2012 - 7:36 AM

      LOL! You should move to Germany where all toilets have a special ‘pan’ where your doings rest for you to take a good look at, before you flush that perfection away. At first I thought it was weird, now I miss it that I’m not there any more.

  37. #54 by AtillaTheChun on June 26, 2012 - 3:03 PM

    Similarities between Crossfit and Christianity, both:
    • are cults;
    • have avid followers;
    • have charismatic leader who’s motto is do as I say not as I do;
    • tithe hard earned money to unworthy cause (couldn’t get those gains somewhere else?);
    • have followers whose family members and friends wonder what the fuck happened to…;
    • have glassy eyed followers who urge friends and family members to join in cult;
    • etc…

    Is this surprising that Crossfit attracts this kind of people? Just like noone wants to hear about Chrisitianity and what it means to them and how it has changed their lives blah blah blah.. Noone wants to fucking hear about Crossfit. Well, except when making fun them.

    • #55 by AtillaTheChun on June 26, 2012 - 3:24 PM

      PS Here’s a WOD idea:

      RomanWarriorWOD – simulate crucifying enemies of the state… for time!

  38. #56 by Tom on June 26, 2012 - 3:34 PM

    Awesome post. Loved the poop part! Love this blog. This all coming from a Christian interestinly enough. Thank you for your effort in exposing absurdly ridiculous things. And for being so frank. Keep it up. Here’s a do-do rap for your enjoyment.

    Your boy T cooking up some do-do treats. It’s all about the poop we don’t need no damn beat. You wanna step to us, you best bring the whole fleet. We rep St. Pete and we stinkin up the streets. Takin dumps bigger than you can imagine. Drop a deuce on your carpet, call me Aladdin. Poop in a port-a-pottie. Poop on your lawn. Poop on a park bench. Poop on a fawn. Poopin on your pets, I ain’t cleanin up the mess. We do-do rap icons, believe we the best. 

    You’re welcome.

  39. #57 by kms on June 26, 2012 - 4:29 PM

    Since its your right to be a jerk for the entirety of your life…how about taking at least a day off???

    • #58 by EPIC on June 26, 2012 - 4:43 PM

      I do. On the seventh day, I rest.

      • #59 by Coffee on June 29, 2012 - 5:14 PM

        Coffee

  40. #60 by Jonh Thuno on June 26, 2012 - 5:01 PM

    Those SIC fitters are retarded. They focus on their stupid azz expensive clothing and ‘lifestyle’ bullshit. Not quite as bad as Glassman’s idiocy, but somewhere between Glassman and Rx-star.

  41. #61 by Murray Daniel on June 26, 2012 - 6:33 PM

    Going to spend my day perfecting the Lama face.

  42. #62 by Brooke on June 27, 2012 - 12:16 AM

  43. #63 by BOOMJUICE! on June 27, 2012 - 11:23 AM

    This leaves me hungry for a chicken quesadilla.

  44. #64 by aaa on June 27, 2012 - 11:53 AM

    My gym plays this…a lot

  45. #65 by DeezNuts on June 27, 2012 - 12:38 PM

    THIS:

  46. #66 by NotYou on June 27, 2012 - 8:31 PM

    Atheism: the belief that there was once absolutely nothing. And nothing happened to the nothing until the nothing magically exploded (for no reason), creating everything and everywhere. Then a bunch of the magic nothing rearranged itself (for no reason whatsoever) into self-replicating bits which then turned into dinosaurs.

    And my beliefs are crazy.

    • #67 by Sunny on June 27, 2012 - 10:56 PM

      I’m atheist and I don’t “believe” in anything including what you just said. I have no idea how everything happened and neither does anyone else. I just choose not to make things up. Anyone who tells you they’re absolutely sure how the world started is just making shit up. There is no “belief” in Atheism, we just don’t deny what’s been proven by science.

  47. #69 by themainsitecurator on June 28, 2012 - 7:39 PM

    have fun in hell, Epic. it’s endurance WODs all day down there. you’ll never see a barbell again

  48. #70 by Cakes and Shakes... on June 29, 2012 - 7:41 AM

    Bible bashers AND cross fitters have joined forces? It’s like locusts and tornadoes got together and were like “we’re going to be super annoying right about now”.

  49. #71 by Ryan on June 30, 2012 - 10:27 PM

    Next will be talking about Crossfit Obama and Crossfit Romney, when did exercise become more than that of which it is..exercise. Fuck it, matt chan is a cry baby, I’ll still take my shirt off, sling some weight around and use fuck words loudly.

  50. #72 by Arric on July 2, 2012 - 9:13 AM

    Hey bro, I agree with not wanting to hear preaching in the gym, but every example you used are gyms that use Crossfit as a way to preach and talk about christ in a different way. Just don’t go to those gyms. Yea bro you missed the mark on this one. Now a jehovah witnesses coming to the gym while I’m working out is a different story.

  51. #73 by Pat B. on July 2, 2012 - 9:16 AM

    well this shouldnt be a problem since you wont be dealing with any gyms now. haha. had to throw that one out you bro. id have to say this isnt your best post but its nice to see some material up there. i think beastmodal has joined the list of cults. i feel like people just go off and back up anything you say on here and try to write it out similar to your style.

  52. #74 by Mike on July 2, 2012 - 10:02 AM

    I used to sarcastically love The Power Team (http://www.thepowerteam.com/) when I was in high school.

  53. #75 by AMS23 on July 3, 2012 - 12:41 PM

    How you going to give Matt Chan shit about the games, when you can’t even snatch 165 on the open 12.2.

  54. #76 by Falcor on July 5, 2012 - 7:26 PM

    Mary Magdalene, the original cross slut.

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