While prepping for Regionals, I wanted to make sure I understood how to do something as ridiculous as partner-deadlifts. So I watched the Head Judge of the Games, Adrian Bozman, make handicapped faces on the Games site videos. Then I no-repped his facial hair.
Back to partner deadlifts- Them shits is dumb. See:
You better not fuck that up or Bozman and company will ‘no-rep’ your ass back to 12.1. He’s gone rogue, no-repping the fuck out of everything. No, not that kind of Rogue. Well, maybe.
I can’t say I blame him there. Rogue Fitness strikes again with bullshit reps in the form of a god damned PVC pipe that costs 13 bucks. “But it has Knurl Marks and a 28mm diameter.” So does an actual bar. Use that. Rogue- thanks for the caveat (THIS IS NOT A LOAD BEARING BAR). It’s the exact information needed by any moron who will actually drop $13 for a PVC pipe.
Back to Bozman. Since Reebok made
CrossFit The Sport Of Fitness famous, Bozman has been able to parlay his judging skills to other arenas. Including a real sport:
Bozman did a “No-Rep” world tour. I don’t know what country the below picture is from (and I actually had to censor it), but what the hell kind of shit is Europe trying to pull here?
It’s not the first time a European did crazy shit. Not only did he propagate the persecution and genocide of my people, the Fuhrer had shitty KBS form.
Back in America, Bozman came to understand something many of us have known all along. Children are fucking terrible at sports. So, it’s back to CrossFit for him. And just in time for regionals.
This year’s regional events (despite the partner deadlifts) look pretty decent. Which is fitting, because many of you would agree with Antonio Ortiz and his nipples:
I do teh CrossFits, but it’s not my faboritegame. Mine is making fun of CrossFit (because a lot of you take this shit very seriously). I play on the facebook machine quite often and the majority of my recent updates have pissed off a lot of thin-skinned twats. Some of them have called me a bad person. Others think I’m an asshole. I’ll bee dat.
As demonstrated above, being an asshole includes doing hood-rat shit like creating weiners-for-anonymity. Speaking of innovation, Mark Zuckerberg came up with something highly complex for all the self-righteous crybabies who get offended by my facebook page:
Zuckerberg’s genius is lost on many of the whiny cunts who leak their puss blood onto my facebook comments. I’m here to make fun of shit, with or without the attention of those pussies. I actually enjoy their pitiful attempts at converting me and my minions to their “superior” way of thinking. Without them, I’d pay less attention to facebook. But if a lot of them hit that unlike button, I might just have to do this:
My favorite shit is hate mail. Most of it came from my “Fat Acceptance Is Unacceptable” post. I actually got some death threats. Most were poorly written but entertaining nonetheless. One guy said he’d microwave my children like baked potatoes and eat them. Fat people are so hungry. Anyway, here’s an almost-clever one I particularly liked:
Being an asshole is fun, but requires strategy. Life becomes a game of chess. In the public bathroom at your local CrossFit Games regional event, give this one a shot:
If you don’t understand that picture, you’re a woman or a meat-gazer. In either case, have your boyfriend explain it to you. Anyway, have fun at whatever Regional event in which you’ve qualified. If you’re just going to watch, you’d better bring a flask (exercise is boring to watch and some of those event locations are drier than Mormon temples). Drinking is the only thing the spectators will be able to enjoy in the lulls between the lulz. This guy knows what I’m talkin ’bout: