Allow me to introduce you to a thing called RX Star. It’s something inspirational for CrossFit women. They put out daily doses of incoherent drivel on Facebook. I’m about to stomp the shit out of them, but you should ‘like’ their page (if you love getting cringy douche-chills). I do. Sometimes, my wife asks me why the fuck I don’t change the channel when that movie with Nick Cannon playing drums in a marching band is on. “All you do is sit here and bitch about how bad the movie is and how much Nick Cannon sucks. Just change the fucking channel.” I can’t. It’s so fucking terrible, I can’t stop watching. Just like this:
Strongstrength just made your skin hurt from reading that steaming pile of feces. It’s like Lisbeth Darsh smoked PCP and fired off a machine gun that shot pink paintballs and awkward non-sequiturs. Those of you who’ve watched over the past couple weeks as I’ve needled them on facebook know what’s been building here. It all started a while back when someone brought this to my attention:
Why does RX Star exist? Why do they have a sturdy facebook following? Pointless questions, but this kind of motivational bullshit has been around longer than you and me. In the old days, broads were tougher and smarter so it was slightly less annoying and a lot more readable.
Regardless, inspirational shit lowers your sperm count. Think: “Live Laugh Love”. That stupid fucking shit was created by some broad who wanted to boss you around. Don’t fucking tell me what to do, toots. I don’t even know you. Besides, the only example of a motivational imperative that does not eat a pile of dongs exists in the University of Notre Dame.
“Hey, this Beastmodal Domains guy is one hypocritical fuck.” STFU, dipshit. Also, you’re dead right:
Let’s get back on fucking topic, here. RX Star pisses on the English language while using images of women (many without their permission) in order to sell whatever the fuck they are selling. Also, they make intelligent people either regret or avoid breeding. For fuck sake, I understand some girls like to pump themselves up with superfluous babble (why else would Pinterest exist). But is life and training really this fucking hard?
Staring at the above image will make you feel like Tracy Morgan in this clip:
Perhaps I should back off. Maybe, I should lend my services to them to help with marketing. I sell the shit out of my shirts (while not shoving them, coated in grammar-abortion sauce, down my reader’s throats). After all, I am a nice guy. Approachable, even. Check out this clip of the day I met my lovely wife:
I found the source of their problems. They use an automated RX Star image-generator which is basically a randomized thing (hence their weird syntax). Randomization works just as well for RX Star as it does for your fitness program. It’s set up like this: Upload a picture of some CrossFit chick. It immediately uses archaic fonts to put together a motivational verb with a motivational noun. It throws that awkward pairing on there, along with a bunch of other trite nonsense aimed at women and slaps the ol’ RX Star logo on it. Done. And it’s a virtual pill of reverse-Viagra for the fellas.
I figured I’d give it a go. I chose a picture of Camille LeBlanc-Bazinet and, in keeping with the status quo, did not get permission. I tried to fuck with the settings to make it come out less retarded. I think I accidentally flipped the estrogen levels into beastmode. Fuck. This is terrible.
Okay, well that didn’t work and it’s officially the worst thing I’ve seen since I googled ‘blue waffle’. But wait, I just got an email from RX Star and they totally want to use it. It’s all yours, ladies. You’re welcome.
Lemme try this again. We’ll use a dude to offset the lactational overtones. Success! It inspired the shit outta me. RX Star – you guys can use this one too. Fucking sweet, no?
Cheers to Norton for the assist on this one.