Sac Town Throwdown and the Eleet Roadkill WOD

In a Beastmodal Domains Special Edition, we’ll take a look at the Sac Town Throwdown.  Or whatever the fuck that is.  Obviously it was some sort of competition in the town of Sac or something.  I don’t care.  We’re not going to focus on the competition but rather, one heat of one WOD.  Watch what happened here (magic at 2:20) and for a more fun angle watch this

Drywall, Wild Gorilla Man and myself have agreed there is no bottom to the stupidity in CrossFit.  Likewise, I don’t feel like writing.  Instead, I’ll just give you a picture-breakdown of what happened.  Enjoy.


  1. #1 by Stonie on February 15, 2012 - 12:12 PM


  2. #2 by Daniel on February 15, 2012 - 12:15 PM

    She got Teasdaled.

    • #3 by EPIC on February 15, 2012 - 12:27 PM


  3. #4 by Brock Brown (@MyPaleoLife) on February 15, 2012 - 12:19 PM

    Best part is the duochebags with the camera laughing about it right at the end. Unbelievable! i guess that girl just wasn’t elite enough…

    • #5 by Kimmy on February 16, 2012 - 11:52 AM

      The picture of the guy at the end smiling was actually a picture of him before the event started when he put the camera on the car. Not after. The douchebag is the one who put the pictures out of order. And the one passing judgement when they don’t even know what happened.

      • #6 by Drywall on February 16, 2012 - 7:33 PM

        No, dumbass, it wasn’t. It was from the very end of the goddamn video.

      • #7 by John on February 16, 2012 - 8:05 PM

        Kimmy, you are full of shit. Check 4:57 of this video —

    • #8 by K on February 16, 2012 - 11:17 PM

      That girl is dam freaking elite!!! Come to norcal and watch her workout she is pretty bad ass. This was just some random accident.

      • #9 by Rob metzgar on February 16, 2012 - 11:38 PM

        Quickly figured out this is a trash talking blog. Sad for Crossfit. Won’t visit again. I commend everyone getting out there and doing their best unlike the many who hide behind boards to talk down about others. Oh well

        • #10 by Drywall on February 17, 2012 - 9:28 AM

          Quickly figured out you’re an idiot.

  4. #11 by Drywall on February 15, 2012 - 12:22 PM


  5. #12 by plugpilot on February 15, 2012 - 12:22 PM

    My first thought when I saw this video was “what the fuck are Epic, Drywall, Courage and Rudy going to have to say about this stupid shit?” How is this in any way functional fitness? I’m in the military and have never had a requirement to drag a car (or humvee for that matter) anywhere – if that shit breaks down, either call a tow truck, or leave that fucker for the bad guys to get (after emplacing an appropriate amount of explosives in the vehicle)

    • #13 by Steve on February 15, 2012 - 1:27 PM

      Even better, next time load that bitch up with explosives and just blow that fucker up if they’re not fast enough, fuck just running ’em over blow ’em up…

      Strongman- 1 Dude pulling a plane or 18 Wheeler Truck= Cool and Impressive.
      CrossFit- 4 People pulling a cop car and one bitch getting rundown= Embarassing

  6. #14 by plugpilot on February 15, 2012 - 12:27 PM

    I also love the guys coming up to help out that are still holding their coffee cups – nice work douchebags!!!

  7. #15 by Tony on February 15, 2012 - 12:34 PM

    It was like watching an even worse version of that sled dog movie with Paul Walker… but I guess this version was better in the fact that one of the dogs got run over and no one lived happily ever after.

    • #16 by fatnslo on February 17, 2012 - 1:20 AM

      Fast an Furious v. One Below…
      like in the scene where that one mutt couldnt out run a whale??
      BAM! functional fit test fail

  8. #17 by Zach Brodis on February 15, 2012 - 1:07 PM

    Hmm, maybe comp programmers should stop thinking they’re “creative” and some shit. stick to the basics and quit with the fancy shmancy, leave the car crashes to the people at NASCAR who do it best… Occam’s razor applied to fitness. The simpler a test of fitness is, the better test it will be. Lifting heavy shit, being efficient with energy for extended periods of time, all true markers of fitness can be tested in simple, safe, and effective ways, let’s stick with that… There’s always going to be an element of risk involved sure, life is dangerous. However, I think some people are taking the “Virtuousity” thing from the Level 1 manual a bit too far.. thanks for another good laugh Epic.

    • #18 by EPIC on February 15, 2012 - 1:13 PM

      +1 Occam’s Razor reference.

    • #19 by Pat B. on February 16, 2012 - 10:35 AM

      Damn dude, gettin’ all sciency on us….get ya learn on

    • #20 by Cheryl on February 16, 2012 - 12:14 PM

      Couldn’t have said it better myself, Zach.

      • #21 by Zach Brodis on February 16, 2012 - 5:59 PM

        glad you’re okay! i’m just being captain hindsight.. no biggie, like any failure, we can all learn and grow from your experience, or we can ignore it and situations will continue to pop up. here’s hoping for the best…

  9. #22 by Scott P on February 15, 2012 - 1:09 PM

    Who were the morons that thought up this event? “Hmmmm…..lets tie our contestants up to a car and have them drag it around a speedway. Yeah, that will be a super cool test of eliteness!”

  10. #23 by Jmount on February 15, 2012 - 1:39 PM

    I bet those guys could make mad tips in Bangkok driving rickshaws. Also, which is more elite…doing this BS or learning how to domesticate horses?

  11. #24 by Josh Courage on February 15, 2012 - 1:58 PM

    Fast And Furious 6
    “pull cars, run bitches over, drank coffee”

    Although, that’s the most effective the Sacramento police force has been in actually catching a running criminal in 15 years. Just sayin…

  12. #25 by Beth on February 15, 2012 - 7:59 PM

    Filed under “what could POSSIBLY go wrong?” >forehead smack<

  13. #26 by Dr. Barry Hungwell on February 15, 2012 - 8:24 PM

    Next event…

    Have WGM slather Kristen Clever up with canned cat food (I’ll do Camille) and turn out the pit bulls.

    Runnin’ from face eaters for time.

    3, 2, 1…

  14. #27 by dTRON on February 15, 2012 - 11:09 PM

    It’s like sink or swim except with tires and slow hoes.

  15. #28 by Cheryl on February 16, 2012 - 12:38 AM

    Hey that’s me! (The slow ass girl who hit the car hahaha) All I knew is that coming up on the turn the car accelerated out of the bank and we were at a 7 minute mile pace with huge ropes tied to us and a fucking car behind us. I was like, “holy shit they are running goddamned fast why am I on the outside?!?!?”

    Maybe I should stick to squatting and not hitting cars.

    • #29 by Daniel on February 16, 2012 - 10:00 AM

      Sweetheart, you have obviously never seen what a 7 min mile looks or feels like.

      • #30 by Cheryl on February 16, 2012 - 12:00 PM

        True. I didn’t see the time haha only what others told me. I do know how high the speedometer got though… basically too fast for my giant legs…

    • #31 by Pat B. on February 16, 2012 - 10:29 AM

      Maybe stick to SLED DRAGS…crazy thought, but that shit was made to be pulled.

      Once again CF in general looks like ignorance for time.

      Positive side is atleast you guys ruined it before Rogue Fitness built a steel powder coated car and had you dragging it in altitude masks.

    • #32 by Wesley on February 16, 2012 - 12:07 PM

      Khalipa totally screwed you on this. He should have to have a softball-throwing contest with you to make up for it. Loser buys dinner.

    • #33 by Rob Metzgar on February 17, 2012 - 12:50 PM

      You did awesome Cheryl. I was trying to defend your honor, I didnt know you posted 🙂 Btw, that second to last bank, they put cones up so you had to go up higher correct?

  16. #34 by Kimmy on February 16, 2012 - 11:48 AM

    The picture of the guy at the end smiling is actually him smiling before the event when he put the camera on the car, NOT after the incident happened.

    • #35 by Bobby on February 16, 2012 - 1:29 PM

      Well, gee Kimmy, thanks for clearing up that crucial detail. the rest of it though (poorly thought out, zero risk management, pitiful on-site response), that looked pretty spot on to you?

      • #36 by Rob Metzgar on February 16, 2012 - 1:34 PM

        I agree Bobby, more thought should have been put into all the risk factors.

    • #37 by John on February 16, 2012 - 7:56 PM

      No it isn’t, watch the video. Why do you keep posting this? Are you the douch at the end of the video?

    • #38 by John on February 16, 2012 - 8:06 PM

      Kimmy is full of shit, check 4:57 of this video —

    • #39 by EPIC on February 16, 2012 - 9:03 PM

      Kimmy, you’re a fucking retard. Watch the fucking video from start to finish. Then, once you see that I’m right (duh), never have children and stop breathing my air.

      • #40 by Jim on February 17, 2012 - 9:47 PM

        BEST. REPLY. EVER.

  17. #41 by Rob Metzgar on February 16, 2012 - 1:29 PM

    Just some 2 cents since I was running along with them on the “grass”

    1. It was a fun competition and a bit creative since it was the “finals” at the end of the weekend. It burnt the legs out of the competitors before they started the next wods. Maybe not the most functional of fitness but designed by Blair Morrison to burn the body out first.

    2. Crossfit is about the unexpected, so strategizing this was pretty hard. The outside person got the most slack on one of the banks of the second to last turn but they did not know this until most competitors went. The turns were not all equal nor could you tell until you got out there. At the end, she had the hardest section to pull to keep up after being totally exhausted. Also, she had the longest route around. Other teams were not pulling as fast and did not have this problem. Theses guys were on record setting pace at 1:15 on last turn. Fastest time was 1:48. They would have killed it.

    3. The accident happend in a split second and nobody knew what happend until everyone turned around because they had the ropes staggered. We saw her kneeling by the car, so we didnt know if she just stopped or fell into the car. The entire incident happened in a split second. She looked ok until we saw the video of how hard she actually hit and very glad she didnt get hurt seriously.

    My thoughts were, they should have had the driver stop or honk horn if hes going to stop if he sees any danger. All teams ran into the same slack problem but they also didnt have 3 GAMES athletes on their team either. So maybe they should have went guy girl, guy girl. Who knows….

    ahhh. what a day 🙂

    • #42 by Pat B. on February 16, 2012 - 2:30 PM

      Or they could have just pulled something that was meant to be pulled. Judging by the repsonses on the many sites that have already posted these shenanagans, i think you will have a hard time arguing For this competition…just because it was fun. Im in no way saying I know the best way to program a competition and yes risk is involved in everything we do. Why the hell are so many people out there programming shit and thinking they can re invent the wheel. Develop creativity through well thought out exercise combinations, rep schemes, etc. the more people try to be creative, the more they get away from the functional basics that are the foundation of what we do.
      Does the risk outweigh the reward? Could the same thing have been accomplished in a better way?
      Awesome you guys had fun! hope it was worth it cuz it makes crossfitters in general look fucking stupid. Im not attacking you personally man. CF has grown so much and done great things for so many people, im just getting sick of shit happening that takes it a step back. we are always gonna have people that roll their eyes at CF, but we can avoid some of it with some good risk management and comp hosts actually testing out their workouts before hand.

      • #43 by Rob Metzgar on February 16, 2012 - 2:50 PM

        Agreed, its unfortunate :/ Sled pull would have been better 🙂 This one caught people off gaurd, It was the only event that was out of the norm in competitions. I think Crossfit has also pushed the “unexpected” aspect at us (swim, walls, rope climbs) in the games..etc. I guess people are trying to take it further. Totally agree though.

        • #44 by No Way To Noting on February 26, 2012 - 1:52 AM

          The fact that these people vary greatly in strength and stamina never once crossed the programmer’s mind?

    • #45 by John on February 16, 2012 - 8:11 PM

      “2. Crossfit is about the unexpected, so strategizing this was pretty hard. The outside person got the most slack on one of the banks of the second to last turn but they did not know this until most competitors went. The turns were not all equal nor could you tell until you got out there. At the end, she had the hardest section to pull to keep up after being totally exhausted.”

      Is this a joke? The track is round, all of the turns are to the left, of course the person on the right has the furthest to run. Haven’t you ever noticed how they stagger starts in track?

      • #46 by Rob metzgar on February 16, 2012 - 10:22 PM

        Hey Johnny I guess you could say I was explaining why this happened to her . Not a joke . But if you would like to show me a run on a track I would be more than happy to do a 400 meter with you? You can show me staggered starts and how it feels from behind? Peace . Don’t give Crossfit a bad attitude.

        • #47 by John on February 17, 2012 - 6:36 AM

          OK, I’ll race you. But I get to pick our lanes, after all there is no way anyway can tell which lane has to run farther on the turns until you get out there so strategizing this would be pretty hard.

          And since I accepted your challenge to a 400, I think it’s only fair that you accept my challenge to a geometry quiz.

        • #48 by Steve M. on February 17, 2012 - 12:43 PM

          “How it feels from behind”???? Wow. Sodomy for time.

      • #49 by Pat B. on February 17, 2012 - 10:16 AM

        lets be honest tho…that broad wasnt pulling shit. she may have been running on the outside lane but the only thing she was pulling was a limp rope

    • #50 by fatnslo on February 17, 2012 - 1:34 AM

      your stupid rationalization killed my buzz. thanks for arm-chair qb, dood

    • #51 by sean on February 17, 2012 - 8:38 AM

      Or don’t tie people to moving vehicles

  18. #52 by Steve M. on February 16, 2012 - 3:52 PM

    I guess this would be “Race Gone Bad”?

    • #53 by FGB on February 16, 2012 - 8:22 PM

      Trade mark that shit before Saran slaps a STFU on you!

  19. #54 by Freddie on February 17, 2012 - 12:16 AM

    Oh shit. I love crossfit, but this is just stupid, and there is no defense. Just mad stupid.

  20. #55 by sean on February 17, 2012 - 8:41 AM

    Congrats to the creators of this event for being able to get someone injured while being tied to a vehicle and not charged with a hate crime.

    • #56 by EPIC on February 17, 2012 - 6:44 PM

      Sean and Steve M. (Race Gone Bad) tied for best comment. Well played, fellas.

  21. #57 by Danny on February 17, 2012 - 4:02 PM

    “Sodemy for time!” <——— JAJAJA!!

  22. #58 by Ben on February 17, 2012 - 5:57 PM

    Anyone seen this elite wedding?

    • #59 by EPIC on February 17, 2012 - 6:45 PM

      Probably next on my hit list. Fucking dorks.

      • #60 by Kevin Wood on February 21, 2012 - 1:08 PM

        • #61 by EPIC on February 21, 2012 - 3:09 PM

          While I may or may not include your wedding in an upcoming BMD post, I did not leave that comment on your site. The Gravatar does not match my wordpress account. While that could be faked, I didn’t because I’m not a fucking pussy.

          More importantly, their comment is unfunny and sounds like a spinster cat lady (in agreement with your response to them).

          • #62 by Taylor on February 22, 2012 - 10:48 AM

            This has to be about Kevin’s response that reads: “You must be single. If not, poor woman.” Despite his strange formulating a second context conditional sentence, he implies the impostor(?) is male. Your statement entails that this person is female (spinster). So that’s can’t be in agreement.
            Stepped onto contradictory ground in attempt to be funny there Epic?

            Somebody who thrives off blogging witty and funny shit should try to remain logically sound, right? If not credibility goes to waste. Buhu.

        • #63 by dTRON on February 28, 2012 - 12:45 PM

          Kevin. Quick question. We’re you wearing SKINS under your tux?

    • #64 by Rabbi on February 29, 2012 - 3:08 PM

      Next up elite circumcision

  23. #65 by Scott P on February 17, 2012 - 7:38 PM

    “the only thing she was pulling was a limp rope” I hate it when that happens.

  24. #66 by Adrian on February 17, 2012 - 9:38 PM

    E douchery at its finest. “ill challenge you to a race that we both know we can never meet up and do, but I must show how supposedly fast I am!!!! How does my behind look????!?!?!?” ….. Fuck you.

  25. #67 by Pukie the Clown on February 20, 2012 - 12:22 AM

    Why the fuck are you dragging CrossFit into this?… two words for you:

    Blair Morrison.

    Yeah. This was his ridiculous programming. Next time you see me post “drag a cop car with your girlfriend tied to it ” on the mainsite, we can talk… what a shit-show.

  26. #68 by Dusty on February 21, 2012 - 4:11 PM

    They should have been pulling an ambulance…problem solved.

  27. #69 by Al on February 24, 2012 - 11:19 AM

    Cheryl needs to HTFU. It was just a funking cop car. Crossfit Wedding team would have crushed that shit elitely.

    By the way, when are the Crossfit Consummation pictures being posted?

  28. #70 by Bobsdf on March 1, 2012 - 10:55 AM

    I’m kind of late to the party, but are police cars even Paleo?

    • #71 by themainsitecurator on March 2, 2012 - 3:25 AM

      Everything is paleo…as long as you dont write it in your food journal

      • #72 by Ricky bobby on March 2, 2012 - 8:37 PM

        Maybe people are considered paleo to police cars.

  29. #73 by Donnie Yeep on March 5, 2012 - 8:29 AM

    Greg Glassman would have tossed the police car overhead with one hand, while on the rings. He is the original ReeBok CrossFitter after all.

  30. #74 by Gloria on March 13, 2012 - 12:24 AM

    I actually never comment…I just read…but I just wanted to say, your blogs are freaking hilarious (and your replies to certain comments). I can’t stop laughing! lol!!

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