A couple weeks ago at the OC Throwdown comp, Ronnie Teasdale flipped his shit. You’ve seen the YouTube clip where at 4:13 he gets no repped for catching it on the bounce, at 4:22 he throws the barbell towards the judge, then at 4:25 he gives her the “outta my way” shove. Next, you get some protesting and another barbell toss. No one did anything. But what happens next will shock you.
Off-camera, he goes apeshit and pulls out double samurai swords and starts decapitating EVERYONE. Straight rage which lives up to those shorts he stole from the Incredible Hulk. Next, he quickly converts a weight vest into a suicide bomber vest and blows the whole place up. The suicide vest was pointless because everyone was already decapitated, but sometimes you gotta put an exclamation point on shit.
Teasdale tried to cheat, got busted and threw a temper tantrum. It wasnt the only bullshit that happened at that competition, so no one should be surprised that he got away with it. If the head judge let him act like that, and he was allowed to continue, it’s their fault. Who fucking cares? I liked it better the first time I saw it when it was called “Every Second Counts” aka the 2008
Games WSOE. Matt Murski did the same bounce-catch bullshit and got called out by Dave Castro (sorry, N00bs- you have to be Prebok Crossfit to get that reference). If you do stupid shit, and you get caught, STFU (duh). Here’s me right before the last time I got arrested:
There is so much ridiculous shit going on in CrossFit right now, I’m having a hard time keeping up (while simultaneously giving a fuck). But it’s my duty to make jokes, so lemme slay some topics rapid-fire style:
4Reelz Productions (I got douche-chills typing that) made a docudrama which attempts to be funny by dusting off those played-out CrossJokes. “WOD Diaries centers around four females in a fun and humorous way as they try to get in their WODs and while managing their personal relationships in and out of the box”. So basically, “Sex And The City” but the CrossSluts explain to regular sluts that “doing Fran” doesn’t mean “dyke shit”. Gorsh, that joke never gets old! It’s getting rave reviews:
“I think it’s a reality show? Whatevs… Sam is hawt.” – some CrossSlut
“Toldja.” – your bro who thinks CrossFit is gay
“Dumbest shit I’ve ever- wait, isn’t that the guy from A Few Good Men?” – Me
Next thing: this shit (I’m warning you – don’t watch it). When so-and-so from that video emails me telling me I’m a retard and I didn’t get the joke, I’ll have to claim ignorance. No really, I didn’t watch past the 25 second mark because it seems they’ve changed the lyrics to silly WODy CrossFitty terms. Terrible. Fuck you and fuck Weird Al Yankovic. The real reason I turned it off at 25 seconds was because I saw this:
Which made me feel exactly like this:
Next thing: Fashletics. They combined the word fashion… and… athletics… in a victorious effort to make your dick shrink. They sell lil’ necklaces and charms for the laydeez (who want people to ask them what that “3-2-1 go!” charm means so they can bore the fuck out them by talking about exercise). Meh. I wasn’t that bothered by them til they pissed off my bro’s Michael J. Fox and Stephen Hawking.
Last up: Fuck, not Rogue. I actually like Rogue Fitness. They make good (kinda overpriced, but whatever) equipment and they don’t sell much pointless bullshit. Until now:
When are these people going to fucking learn that restricting your breathing DOES NOT simulate altitude training? Even grumpy Ronnie Teasdale knows that, right? Nope.