Did you see the commercial? Of course, you did. According to Facebook and Twitter, a lot of CrossFit exercisers were more concerned with a fucking advertisement than Aaron Rogers and the Packers doing the “Discount Double Choke” against the Giants. Apparently, the “Sport of Fitness” arrived and interrupted the “Sport of… Sport” (aka the NFL Playoffs).
Who fucking cares? From what I can tell – there were two basic reactions.
1. Hooray! I saw people doing wallballs on a commercial during a nationally televised broadcast! We’ve come so far!
My response: Shut the fuck up. After you watched the commercial you had already seen 8 times on YouTube I’m sure you immediately switched the channel from a hugely important playoff game to the fucking WSOE reruns on ESPN2 (which you’ve also already seen 8 times). You can’t be helped and I’m bored with making fun of you.
2. Oh no! This means the demise of CrossFit! All of our affiliates will be taken over by Reebok!
My response: Shut the fuck up. I thought the commercial was fucking funny with its militaristic helicopter invasion. The symbolism was just perfect enough to get the gullible conspiracy theorist/affiliate owner to fear a hostile takeover. Suckers. As much as I want to, I don’t remember the commercial going like this:
Now, that’s a commercial. It kicked off the type of dream sequence in my head I used to have in school (until they put me on Ritalin)… UH-SPLOSION! Then tanks rolling and troops marching! Their color guards bear the flag of the glorious ReePublic:
Then after the helicopters drop the new “boxes” on top of existing affiliates, the previous owners are brainwashed and forced to work for the new regime.
And then the CrossFit Kids program got fucking mandatory. All youth of great ReePublic do CrossFit. This make strong worker for glory of Mother Reebok.
And the new “Fittest Man on Earth” was crowned at the 2012 World Series of Exercise.
Then my daydream ended and I went back to watching football and drankin’.
Yesterday, me and Drywall had a chat about this and he pretty much summed it all up to the point where there’s no need for further discussion. Before you say anything, prepare to shut the fuck up.
The link Drywall is referring to: Reebok’s Jukari “fit to fly”. A partnership with Cirque du Soleil. Outstanding stuff and I don’t know why it didn’t catch on.
As far as the pairing of The Biggest Loser’s Bob Harper with CrossFit – let’s just hope he can do for CrossFit what he did for Queer Abs. No, seriously – click on that link. You’re welcome. “Good job, Bootcamp Bob!”
Bob Harper destrominates the fatness every season on The Biggest Loser. This season, he’s got the fatties doing elements of CrossFit. A couple weeks ago, me and John Welbourn of CrossFit Football and Talk To Me Johnnie had some chuckles on Twitter about ol’ Bootcamp Bob:
And so begins the endless tweets and facebook status updates about CrossFit on the Biggest Loser. Am I gonna watch that crap? Probably not. Although, I do get a giggle out of watching the contestants cry while eating. That shit is pure poetry.
P.S. Those of you who’ve asked me to make a t-shirt of the ReePublic flag – I would but I’m really busy not dealing with lawsuits and shit. Sorry.