Archive for January, 2012

Blah Blah Reebok Commercial (STFU)

Did you see the commercial?  Of course, you did.  According to Facebook and Twitter, a lot of CrossFit exercisers were more concerned with a fucking advertisement than Aaron Rogers and the Packers doing the “Discount Double Choke” against the Giants.  Apparently, the “Sport of Fitness” arrived and interrupted the “Sport of… Sport” (aka the NFL Playoffs).

Who fucking cares?  From what I can tell – there were two basic reactions.

1. Hooray!  I saw people doing wallballs on a commercial during a nationally televised broadcast!  We’ve come so far! 

My response: Shut the fuck up.  After you watched the commercial you had already seen 8 times on YouTube I’m sure you immediately switched the channel from a hugely important playoff game to the fucking WSOE reruns on ESPN2 (which you’ve also already seen 8 times).  You can’t be helped and I’m bored with making fun of you.

2.  Oh no!  This means the demise of CrossFit!  All of our affiliates will be taken over by Reebok!

My response: Shut the fuck up.  I thought the commercial was fucking funny with its militaristic helicopter invasion.  The symbolism was just perfect enough to get the gullible conspiracy theorist/affiliate owner to fear a hostile takeover.  Suckers.  As much as I want to, I don’t remember the commercial going like this:

Now, that’s a commercial.  It kicked off the type of dream sequence in my head I used to have in school (until they put me on Ritalin)…  UH-SPLOSION!  Then tanks rolling and troops marching!  Their color guards bear the flag of the glorious ReePublic:

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Social Media + CrossFit = Stab Myself In The Face

I’ve been so busy WODing at the box exercising at the gym that I have been neglecting my duties of making fun of CrossFit.  Also, since Drywall has moved on, I don’t have to try as hard.  As much as my internet laziness has caused my “Christmas break” to stretch into a “fuck entertaining people on the internet until I feel like it” break, some shit has been brought to my attention that I must address.

CrossFit on social media makes me want to punch myself in the breeding parts.  I (hypocritically) wish people would shut the fuck up about exercise.  When the Broncos beat the Steelers (lulz) in overtime Sunday night, SICFIT literally figuratively laid a steaming pile of shit on my Twitter timeline.

 

How the fuck is this even remotely related to CrossFit?  Clearly, it’s not.  But in a world where some motherfuckers see medball cleans as life and death, those same motherfuckers gotta tie real sports to CrossFit.  Fuck you.  Hey, SICFIT – shut the fuck up.  You want my “thoughts”?  Tebow would be a great CrossFit athlete… if he got tired of getting paid millions and wanted to fade into obscurity.

Dog Tags by SICFIT (those who know are).  Because you have just enlisted in the Army of Foppish Dandies.  You will report immediately to Poseur Company, Disposable Income Battalion.  “Ya, they’re awesome.”  28 dollars of awesome.

It’s my own fault for following those clowns on Twitter.  Sifting through garbage is the price I pay to mock shit.  I follow lots of dummies on Twitter and I’m never far from a chuckle when there are people like this:

Intrinsically?  Wow.  I just caught my thesaurus beating off to that tweet.  Verbose > profound.  Gimme some more gems, Tony.

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