Archive for December, 2011

The Newbie’s Guide To CrossFit

Hey there, n00b.  You’ve committed to joining a CrossFit affiliate in January.  Congrats and welcome to a strange environment of group exercise (and groupthink).  Before you show up with uncool shoes, basketball shorts and no understanding of how to do a Sumo Deadlift High Pull, allow me to assist you in navigating the unfamiliar world of CrossFit.  Since I’ve already covered what not to do here, I’m going to give you some tips on what you can do in order to survive. 

Don’t Worry About The Movements:  You’ve been hornswoggled into taking an on-ramp program where a coach will teach you how WE exercise.  The extra fee for the on-ramp program i$ fun becau$e you’ve already paid for your member$hip and now you’ll al$o have to pay more ca$h to be taught how to be a member.  You won’t learn how to do cool shit, but you’ll become a fucking samurai with the PVC pipe.

Didn’t see that on ESPN2? Welcome to CrossFit, sucka.

Scale The WODs:  CrossFit is hard and you suck, so scaling makes it easier.  I went into detail here, and your coach can help you figure out how to apply the concept.  Sometimes, you have to be creative in order to hit from the ladies’ tees. 

Thanks to DNF Apparel for the shirt.  Buy their shit, proceeds go to charity.

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Come At Me, Coach Volume III: High Rep Box Jumps?

If you were wondering how you might go about destroying the strongest and thickest tendon in your body, a simple way to achieve this feat would be to perform high rep box jumps.  In this “Come At Me Coach” installment, I call upon the coaches to convince me (and my surgically-repaired Achilles) as to why it’s necessary to have your clients boing boing in repetition despite the inherent risk of injury.

I started writing this post a week ago with every intention of being really persuasive as to why high rep box jumps are fucking stupid and dangerous.  Then something happened.  Last Friday, CrossFit Games athlete Kate Rawlings ruptured her left Achilles during the box jump portion of Filthy 50.  She had surgery yesterday.  I guess I don’t have to soapbox this one as hard. 

Kate Rawlings: CrossFit's most recent box jump Achilles casualty

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