This week my bro, Timmy Francis, briefly pauses from life in shithole Afghanistan to destrominate another guest post for Beastmodal Domains. He won’t even get to see the stupid pics and captions I added for a couple days because he’s too busy cockpunching the Taliban.
One of the best things about Crossfit is that it can take a lazy, slothful, societal waste and quickly turn him into a physically fit, active athlete. It’s badass to see somebody who until recently was busy playing “Hide the Triple Stack” and searching for his wienermeat suddenly throwing down on a WOD.
Crossfit has taught him he’s not the weak, beleaguered victim society wants him to think he is. He’s actually a tough mother fucker that can go BEASTMODE and destrominate challenges he faces. The transformation, however, can’t stop there. You must always push your limits further. Here are some people who laughed in the face of perceived limitations and any pissant obstacle that got in their way.
During Roger Bannister’s time, collective wisdom began to doubt if running a sub four-minute mile was physically possible (Hicham El Guerrouj is cackling at this idea in the background). Bannister, under some insane British amateurism rules and while going to fucking medical school, stepped out one blustery day and told collective wisdom and history to taste the underside of his Anglo-Saxon ballsack. He broke that barrier thanks in part to a diet of 10x400s and a stiff upper lip. Roger Bannister thinks arbitrary time limitations are for the French.
Matt Kroczaleski broke the all time 220lb powerlifting record the day after he cut 35 pounds to make weight. He totaled 2551lb with a 1003lb squat, 738lb bench, and an 810lb deadlift. He accomplished all this while he worked as a pharmacist, standing on his feet 10-12 hours a day, being a single father, and getting four hours of sleep a night. He also invented Kroc Rows wherein he one-arm rows more weight than you can bench and does it for high reps. Kroczaleski says excuses are coward practice.
My great-grandpa worked on the railroad until he was 30 or so. He swung a sledgehammer 12 hours a day for years. He decided that was soft as shit, so he wrapped pipes in asbestos using a bandana as protection from the intense carcinogenic effects of the asbestos until he retired. He told cancer to get fucked and lived into his 90s. You work out for 10 minutes, three days in a row and fear overtraining? Grandpap and John Henry are calling you out.
Lamar Gant worked nights as a janitor, stood 5’1″ tall and had one of the worst cases of scoliosis his doctors had ever seen. This prevented him from deadlifting heavy, right? Fuck your doubt. Lamar Gant deadlifted 661lbs at a bodyweight of 132 lbs. Do the math…that’s five times his body weight. You don’t think you can add 10lbs to your PR? Lamar Gant thinks ants need to shut the fuck up about strength-to-bodyweight ratio.
Bulgarian Olympic Weightlifters work out twice a day for six days a week, and each workout can be three hours long. The program is designed to keep testosterone production peaked throughout the day. Since testosterone is the coolest thing ever, the Bulgarians’ Olympic medal haul has been prodigious. People have certainly gotten hurt from overtraining, but sure-as-shit nobody’s ever become elite by undertraining. Oh you’re well rested? Well, the Bulgarians trained twice while you relaxed and their insane testosterone levels think your rest day is as badass as your Team Jacob t-shirt.
You aren’t fragile. Chances are your body can take whatever you’re about to put it through. You’re a mother fucking animal. Keep training like it.