I was joking the last time I did a “Come At Me, Coach” post (it was about elipticals for Christ sake). This time I’m not dicking around. There are a couple of things I’ve been wondering and I want answers. Yall mu’fuckers got some ‘splaining to do. Coaches – speak up and tell me why I’m wrong.
I’m a believer in and practitioner of CrossFit, but I don’t suckle from the teat of bullshit. There is some wack-ass shit going on and I’m fittin’ to call it out. Perhaps I’ve lost my fucking mind by questioning common CF wisdom. Maybe I’m just an idiot who doesn’t know any better. Besides, we all know what happens in CrossFit when folks go against the grain…
Anyway, why are we still doing Sumo Deadlift High Pulls? It’s a bullshit movement. I figured the “I (Heart) My Supraspinatus” piece from Whole 9 would’ve made people see the light. Nope. We’re still doing ’em. I guess we don’t listen to Whole 9 because they lost their affiliate status (just like Robb Wolf and Greg Everett). That post goes into great detail about the problems associated with the movement much of which can be summed up by the below picture:
Long story short, Hartwig highlights the fact that the intense and repetitive, mechanically disadvantageous position at the top of the movement is begging for injury as your supraspinatus is violently and repeatedly jammed into your scapula. I don’t care how much you consider the movement functional in that it requires “an aggressive extension of the hips and legs”. Why the fuck would you ever lift something with your arms in that position? Oooo! I know!…
Clearly, I’m not the guy who should be advocating safe movements in CrossFit. As a box-jump achilles rupture casualty and a jedi master of kipping pullups, I say, “fuck safety.” But SDHP’s are still gay. Wouldn’t it be better to sub Clean Pulls or Muscle Snatches for SDHP’s? Those alternatives are important components of olympic lifting and they put you on the express lane to I’mnotaretard City. What say you? Post to comments.
Speaking of kipping pullups: anyone with a brain knows they can cause SLAP tears. I don’t feel like going on about the medical reasons why you can get fucked up doing them because I personally love kipping pullups. That’s because I will probably murder your face off in WODs where they are incorporated. My PR is 71. Suck it. Still not on Spealler’s level, but enough to brag. Short arms? Fuck you. The point of my bragging is to inform you I have NOT TRAINED ANY KIPPING PULLUPS IN 4 MONTHS.
My old kipping PR was 62 in May and I’ve done only strict dead-hang and weighted pullups since. Someone at my gym wanted to see where I was on kipping max reps last week and boom. Huge PR. Having mastered butterfly kipping years ago, I don’t need to train them. I whip ’em out in competition and benchmarks to make other athletes feel sad about life.
The point is: we shouldn’t be doing so many kipping pullups. In regular day-to-day training (not benchmarks or competition), I challenge all coaches to program dead hangs and deem kipping to be a scaled movement. What would happen? Motherfuckers would get stronger and be able to do more kipping pullups when they are needed. Otherwise, kipping is just cheating. Perhaps kipping would be RX’d for girls while strict dead hangs for men would become the standard. I’m not being sexist (rare occurrence). Men and women use different loads on weighted movements, so it kind of makes sense. Are you with me or no? Post to comments.
Whether you’re bringing hard truth or CrossFit groupthink, speak up. Before you post to comments, I want to remind you: I’m fucking right. I mean, what else would you expect from a motherfucker who slid such a lame pun into the second paragraph of this post?