“Regularly Learn and Play New Sports”

September 11th of this year is a very important day for all of us.  Tons of tributes and all that.  But for methisguy it’s time to start yelling fuckwords at my television again as we kick off another season of fine American football.  Did I just downplay the importance of such a historic occasion?  No, because the best way to stick it to the Jihadists is to enjoy what makes America great: fucking sports.  There’s a reason why gays and terrorists don’t care about sports: they are too busy enjoying weinertaste.

Not what Allah meant by 72 virgins, but whatever.

So what does this have to do with you, the CrossFitter?  Not much, if you don’t care to watch sports.  But you should DO them in some capacity.  Lemme direct you to the last sentence of Coach Glassman’s “World Class Fitness in 100 Words”: Regularly learn and play new sports.  How closely do we follow this?  I’ve observed that for some folks in our community, it has been blatently ignored.


Off-topic: By bringing up “World Class Fitness in 100 Words” one can argue that some of Glassman’s advice may be ignored with no consequence.  By that, I am referring to pirouettes.  Seriously, Coach?  Fucking pirouettes?  That word right there makes an otherwise pretty good summary kind of lame.  I would do pirouettes, but your Dad’s boyfriend hasn’t taught me how to yet.

This dude can do a pirouette AND he has a clitoris on his butthole.

Regardless, we should be doing something awesome with all this work capacity.  While some of you wait for the zombie invasion that is never fucking going to happen, there should be a reason for all this exercising.  For me, it’s football.  I’ve found not too many folks have the stones to play tackle football these days (which is ridiculous).  So I created an outlet for people like me in the Virginia Beach area to do such a thing.  All men are welcome and highly encouraged to come play TACKLEBALL.

If you wanna wear pads, bring 'em. They're located in the grocery store next to the tampons.

But that’s my thing and I pass judgment on no one (everyone).  Find what makes you happy and do it.  I know some say, “CrossFit is my sport.”  That’s cool; I compete in “the sport of exercise” too.  Just wanted to remind all the gym rats there is more to life than whiteboard dick-measuring over some wall balls.  If you’re not aware of the concept that CrossFitters (in general) are bad at sports, see if you can get your coach to set up a ‘friendly’ dodge ball game as a warm up or cash out one day at your box.  It’ll probably end up looking like this:

In my opinion, CrossFit should be the thing that prepares us to destrominate people in other activities.  Of course, CrossFit isn’t going to make you less terrible at shooting 3’s (Skills vs. Functional Movements) but at least you won’t get as tired when doing so.  Whether its pick-up basketball, beer-league softball or even cock-pushup competitions in the YMCA locker room, branch out and do something.  If it’s soccer, that’s cool too (only if you’re a 10 year-old girl).

  1. #1 by Walter Ezell on September 7, 2011 - 1:25 PM


  2. #2 by John Lohry on September 7, 2011 - 3:38 PM

    So glad you pointed out the thing about pirouettes. I seriously thought I misread it at first…then I thought it was a misprint and was meant to be parallettes (not much better). It just stands out in that list like a turd in a punchbowl. Hope we don’t start seeing these in our WODs. 3 rounds of 5 Chest to Bar Pullups, 20 Deadlifts, and 30 Pirouettes for time = so gay that no amount of Oly lifting can save it.

    • #3 by EPIC on September 7, 2011 - 4:23 PM

      I like to pretend Glassman put it in there just to make himself giggle and see if people were paying attention. I’d also like to see him do a pirouette.

  3. #4 by AMS on September 7, 2011 - 4:07 PM

    Aww man, i can’t stop laughing. Your too funny.

  4. #5 by Jason (New Zealand) on September 7, 2011 - 4:42 PM

    Great article Epic. We should all learn to play new sports. Next time you are at tackleball, suggest that you play Rugby instead and see how that goes down. The rugby world cup starts here tomorrow, USA has a team here so show your support for them but GO ALL BLACKS.

    • #6 by EPIC on September 7, 2011 - 5:22 PM

      I’ll show my support for the US, but considering we are ranked 18th and you guys are ranked 1st, I hope my team doesn’t have to see the Haka till the finals (if we make it that far). If we get elimnated, I’m jumping on the All Blacks bandwagon as usual. This is a great time to be a fan of manly sports.

  5. #7 by Jason Russo on September 7, 2011 - 6:52 PM

    While this does sound appealing.. a weekend full of sports or so.. I never seem to find anybody who wants to go and do something of the sort. The only place to go to do any sports without having a full team to do it is a basketball court that you know people regularly run at. If someone sets something up like this at the gym on like a saturday afternoon (like 1-ish) they should put it out. I’d love to do some more sports. Have not even played a football game in a couple years.

  6. #9 by Trinity on September 8, 2011 - 1:10 PM

    Love the article. You always make me laugh. Good points as always.

  7. #10 by Evan Yoak on October 22, 2011 - 9:30 PM

    I hate to be that guy, but I’m pretty sure he’s talking about a pirouette in handstand. I mean, come on, if we’re doing sissy things like handstands and walking around like circus performers on our hands, surely we can rotate 90 degrees on our hands without feeling too bad for using a French word.

    More shoulder stabilization than a TGU, and it’s a B level gymnastics move apparently, which means it’s harder than a muscle up (http://www.drillsandskills.com/skills/hbar/B/hbb004).

    Not that I didn’t laugh :).

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