Archive for September, 2011

My Take On Nutrition: Paleo Brownies Are Dumb.

I’m neither Paleo nor Zone.  However, I avoid grains and similar nasty shit and I do pay attention to portions.  I’ve read Cordain and Wolf and applied it.  But I don’t feel the need to say, “I’m Paleo”.  That’s ridiculous.  I’m not Paleo because it’s not fucking 10,000 years ago.  A friend of mine who is new to CrossFit is impressed with the program, but impervious to the kool-aid.  He calls Paleo “weight-watchers for men”.  It’s a noob’s observation that is pretty funny because let’s be honest: stressing over what you eat is for girls.  I don’t stress over what I eat.  I just eat clean.

Facebook status update: So totally bummed I ate that whole tub of cake icing. UGH! 😦

While I’m on the subject, Paleo dessert recipes are fucking stupid.  I don’t care if it’s Duncan Hines brownies or Robb Wolf brownies.  They’re still brownies.  If you want a snackycake, eat a real one.  I generally don’t eat that shit because I don’t want a set of floppy bologna tits.  Either way, does your body need this?  Cavemen did NOT swap Paleo brownie recipes because they were too busy fucking shit up, cock-punching mastodons and saving money on their car insurance.  Fact.

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Working Around Injuries – Focus On What You Can Do

When was the last time during your training when you could honestly say, “How awesome is it that I have absolutely nothing wrong with my body right now”?  For me, it might have been my early 20s.  While some of us sit around lamenting about pain and injury, others are bypassing limitation and doing work.  Basically, shut your cockholster and focus on what you can do.  Then do it with directed intensity.

No matter what your issue is, use your time wisely to focus on other areas (unaffected by the injury) that can use some improvement.  For me, my achilles repair has given me plenty of time to work on other shit.  Does it suck dick that I am limited?  Yes.  Do I want to slug obese people in their guts when I think about the fact that I can’t squat right now?  Fatpunch, yeah.  Fuck it, punching innocent human cattle is as wrong as not squatting but I have to stay out of jail.

That zebra looks like a fist target to me.

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Periodization is for Competitors – Guest Post By Timmy Francis

Let’s cover the most obvious question first.  This post has nothing to do with tampons (gag x 10) or that “special time of the month”.  Periodization isn’t about a monthly celebration of not being pregnant.  It’s an organized approach to training that involves cycling of various aspects of a program in order to peak at a specific time.  In CrossFit, randomization (which is important) is a bastardized concept often applied incorrectly.  “Anyone can throw a list of exercises and numbers on a whiteboard; far fewer can create workouts that, over a given period of time, ensure an athlete accomplishes his or her goals.” – Greg Everett, Catalyst Athletics.  Everyone drop your tampons and let’s get to periodizing.

It uses butt tampons.

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“Regularly Learn and Play New Sports”

September 11th of this year is a very important day for all of us.  Tons of tributes and all that.  But for methisguy it’s time to start yelling fuckwords at my television again as we kick off another season of fine American football.  Did I just downplay the importance of such a historic occasion?  No, because the best way to stick it to the Jihadists is to enjoy what makes America great: fucking sports.  There’s a reason why gays and terrorists don’t care about sports: they are too busy enjoying weinertaste.

Not what Allah meant by 72 virgins, but whatever.

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