Back in April, whole9life.com introduced an initiative called “Kill Your TV”. They urged readers to “unplug from the pseudo-reality that is your television screen, take back those hours mindlessly devoted to spectatorship, and become a participant in your own life.” What the cock is that shit?
I think I saw “Kill Your TV” on a t-shirt worn by this goth broad in my high school. Instead of watching television she pretty much just did coke and gave blow jobs to angst-ridden, skeevy dudes. I guess those are more productive activities. I have no problem watching a lot of television because it’s fucking awesome. I stay more elite than the fatties by getting off the couch and working mobility and myofascia release.
I work my mobility issues, get busy with the foam roller and lacrosse ball all during the span of an episode of Jersey Shore. I’m not ashamed to admit I watch because my reason for doing so is solid: by tuning in to the Jersey Shore, I immediately convert my television into a retard aquarium. I love watching those dickheads kill their brain cells and mate with other dickheads. Regardless of what’s on, this post will give you a protocol to improve your mobility while you relax at home.
I check Kelly Starrett’s Mobility WOD every so often. Clearly, this is a huge resource filled with tons of mobs. No other site comes close. But the goddamned amount of material makes my Attention Deficit Disorder kick in. Where the fuck do I start? I use specific mobs for specific joint issues, but I want to know what mobs we should be doing every day, regardless of our individual issues. So I asked one of my coaches, Sean Ploskina (mobility expert at my gym), to identify a list of essential joint mobilizations we should all be doing, daily. Keep in mind:
- Joint mobilization and stretching are two different things. Learn the difference here.
- While the following mobs are basic, each person has their own individual mobility issues. Research specifics and address your needs accordingly.
- Foam rolling and lax ball shit will be featured in a future post.
Do the following mobs everyday for 2 minutes (each side). As you work through each one, make sure you are hunting for those nasty areas and be bold while working through them. Just don’t injure yourself.
1. Ankle/calf. Kelly Starrett’s MWOD video showcases the mob, watch here. A good video for various Achilles and dorsiflexion issues, but this particular stretch is demo’d at the 6:10 mark. Also, KStarr spends the entire video wearing a weighted vest for no fucking reason (BEASTMODE).
2. Hip/Hamstring. This Mobility WOD video addresses the stretch (3:19 mark), and other straight leg posterior chain tricks.
3. The couch stretch (not a Greg Glassman joke). KStarr’s video on this is important for addressing a lot of lower body issues. Go to the 2:00 mark for the couch stretch demo. If you’re from a culture of people who do not have couches in their homes (terrorists, Buddhists and heroin junkies) you can use a wall, as Sean shows in the pictures below.
4. Knee/hip. KStarr’s video demo focuses on the pigeon using the ground (2:50 mark), while Sean’s picture below shows how to do this on an elevated level. You choose.
5. Shoulders/lats. The Mobility WOD video explains why it will improve your overhead positioning. Watch the whole thing or let your A.D.D. kick in and go to the 2:17 mark. This one isn’t as effective without a band, but you can use some MacGyver shit at home to get it done. Just stay palm up.
6. Shoulder external rotation. I couldn’t find a KStarr video on this one. If you can find it, post to comments. Sean refers this one as the “douchebag shoulder fix”. Focus on externally rotating the shoulders and applying force with your body in the opposing lateral direction of the hand behind your back. A door jamb works well for this.
7. Shoulder/Chest. Here’s one many of have done before. Starrett gives some good info on many processes of the shoulder and demos the stretch at 1:40. Also, there is a child in a box in the back of his garage during the video.
Use the above as a basic guide for overall joint mobilization and address your specific issues through the use of mobilitywod.com. Every night, peel your barrel ass off the couch and do some shit that will prepare you to DESTROMINATE tomorrow’s WOD. Between that, stretching, foam rolling and working the lax ball you’ll be busy for at least an hour. So when hippies try to make you feel bad for watching television, tell them to go suck fat dongs.