Archive for July, 2011
What’s the best supplement? Proper nutrition. If you really dial it in, you don’t need any supplements. Paleo folk want to get it right, but grass-fed beasts are fucking expensive. I prefer to spend my disposable income on proven investments like scratch-off lottery tickets. Before someone posts to comments about frugal ways to purchase grass-fed/wild-caught: I’m well versed in the concepts of cow-pooling and buying a separate freezer for my garage. I make a respectable salary and as my Sperry Topsiders would indicate- I have a mortgage and own both of my vehicles.
Times are tough and this post is for folks who want to follow the rules of good nutrition and avoid the Paleo-induced ‘Catholic-guilt’ by missing the mark because they can’t afford to pay $10 per lb for Polyface ground beef. Specifically, I’m referring to the superior Omega-3 content of grass-fed meat and wild-caught fish as compared to grain-munching feedlot cattle and aquaculture fish. Look, folks- there is a bypass to getting your Omega 3’s without spending all your hard earned moneydollars on snob meat.
Lolz, bro. The shirt pictured above is funny and you can purchase it from our friends over at Life As RX. Why is an elliptical like a fat chick? They’re fun to ride, but you don’t want your friends to catch you on one. Buh dum bum tish! Wait a second: what, exactly, is wrong with the elliptical? Besides the fact that you look stupid when using it. While this post begs for ridicule, I’m looking for those who are smarter than me to answer a stupid question I have about CrossFit.
This one in particular, has puzzled me for years. I’ve never asked because I didn’t want to get cockpunched and chased out of the box. Why, in CrossFit, are ellipticals something that would inspire such mockery (besides the negative connotations associated with the average user of the machine)?
Let me try to anticipate some knee-jerk responses to the question:
1. “Ellipticals are globo-gym bullshit.” True, but there’s got to be more to it than that. You can find barbells and weights in a globo-gym and we use those, don’t we? That coach just got his Level 1 Cert. Awwww, aint he cute?
The psychological aspect in any challenge involving sports or exercise is a dynamic thing. Pre-Fran jitters, na mean? My hands sweat and heart races on my drive to the box when I know that 21-15-9 looms on the whiteboard. Accuse me of bitchmode by admitting to the above. When was the last time Fran didn’t make me nervous? The first time I did Fran. It’s the body’s way of preparing for “fight or flight”. Here, flight would mean I’d skip it. Pussy shit. Fight, in this case, means I sack up and flip the switch. It’s time to bring the lumbuh and go BEAST MODE as I commence destromination.
How does anxiety affect us before and during a CrossFit WOD? It may vary depending upon the individual. While we generally don’t feel any anxiety before a regular, everyday WOD, it may be a factor for the athlete before competition as well as any CrossFitter who has “built-up” their need for a PR on a particular benchmark. Symptoms of anxiety before and during performance are generally split into two categories: cognitive anxiety and somatic anxiety. Or, mind and body. Somatic anxiety causes me to piss every ten minutes leading up to the event. Cognitive anxiety makes me worry that I’ll fuck up and lose. There are more symptoms manifested by competitive anxiety, you can read about them here.
I love science because it has told my brain that deadlifts help you grow a beard. True story. That movement is the manliest, no? All who don’t do it on the regular should feel guilty. It’s definitely a t-shirt lift. Why does no one put med-ball cleans on t-shirts? Because they are embarrassing. Functional? Absolutely. But no one has ever changed their Facebook profile pic to a medball clean shot because everygoddamnedthing else is cooler.
The concept of getting stronger in the CrossFit community has seen many changes in recent years. The CrossFit Strength Bias is SO 2009. A sturdy strength program, though. Wendler 531? 2010, girlfriend. Extremely effective for barbell stuff, but I guess people got tired of math. It’s fashionable these days to do some sort of oly strength program. Probably the most fun, even though you will never be Pyrros Dimas. What kind of loads on oly’s do we use in metcons? That’s what I thought.
I can tell you I’ve used all of them and have achieved success with each. Despite the ebb and flow of strength and power programming fads in our community, all of the above are effective. Most of us want to do it all, just don’t overtrain. Recently, I settled back into CrossFit Football‘s strength programming because I want John Wellbourn’s big ass to forge me into a powerful athlete. Either way, if you’re looking to get stronger, get with a program.
In CrossFit we already know the value of high intensity during training. You might have hugged the puke bucket at some point and for that, you deserve a fist bump. If you’re near me when you feel your lunch is about to make an encore, I’ll help. I’m not going to hold your hair, but I will elaborate on the texture and flavor of an egg-smoothie. That should move things along. But let’s go further than thruster-induced vomiting. Something is missing from your life.
What’s absent from your training program is both highly beneficial and cheap-as-free. Sprinting is one of the best ways to increase your metabolic capacity and build speed, power and strength. It’s as important to an athlete as it is to someone who does crimes.
I am speaking to all the CrossFitters out there that are missing the mark on the concept of sprinting. You may have incorporated running into your program. 200m and 400m sprints aren’t what I’m talking about. Those are highly important intervals, but let’s go for a shorter distance at even higher intensity.
Oh, you do that already (in metcons)? No you don’t. When a metcon has you do some task and “sprint” to the next task and so on, you know you limp-dick that sprint. You jog like a fat kid. You know who else does it? Methisguy. That’s an old CrossFit trick all of us figured out early on. “2 Minute Defense” is an example of a WOD where that happens. A bunch of awesome barbell shit then you are supposed to “sprint” 200 feet and repeat several times. If you actually sprinted, you’d be so tired; the rest of your barbell shit would be slow. And you’re overall time would suffer. Not a good strategy.
My name is Epic, and I’m a WODaholic. While no 12-step program exists for CrossFitters, and experts debate as to whether physical exercise is addictive, we’ve all felt the effects of endorphins being released during a metcon. What is that? Chemically speaking, endorphins are endogenus opioid peptides. I’m not smart enough to know what that means but we see that “opioid” word in there. Basically your body produces these little neurotransmitters that closely resemble opiates. Drugs, bro. A feeling of well-being and happiness similar to what a crack-head feels while smoking that rock he scored as a result of stealing your mom’s new laptop.
Freddie Camacho, owner of CrossFit One World and former Games athlete wrote a piece on SICFIT last year titled ”WOD Drunk”. In it he describes the manifestation of WOD Drunkenness as the degradation of form and movement standards towards the end of the metcon along with incoherent speech, nausea, as well as forgetting personal effects at the gym as you leave. We’ve all been there. But that post-WOD feeling is awesome isn’t it? You busted your ass in the gym and earned the impending hypocrisy of the soapbox rant you’ll give to your non-CrossFit friends about how fucking Paleo you are (while you drink your 4th pint of Sam Adams). Damn, it feels good to be elite.
So, are you addicted to CrossFit? Hopefully not enough to perform truck-stop bathroom sexual acts in exchange for your gym membership dues, but you may be somewhat dependant on that WOD fix. I know I am. The WOD fix part, not the truck-stop bathroom part. The result of my addiction, which went unchecked, was overtraining. Overtraining opened the door for injury, and here I sit with an elevated and casted leg encasing a surgically repaired Achilles tendon. I haven’t worked out in three weeks. Instead of lamenting, I’ll parlay the example into my own hypocritical soapbox rant. Or rather, you can take this as a “Don’t do what Epic did” confessional.